Tosh.0 Blog

The 10 Worst Cell Phones of All Time

Posted by: Chris Lesinski | June 8, 2009 at 3:11PM

The net is always gossiping about the latest in wireless gadgetry. But what about the phones that ushered in the web-enabled mobile devices of today? We decided to give them each their own, special review. This is: The 10 Worst Cell Phones of All Time.
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PANTECH PN-218

Motorola StarTAC

Remember that Motorola StarTAC that everyone loved in the 90s until the antenna broke? The Pantech PN-218 reminds me of that, except it was made in 2007. It has the same crappy antenna also.

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lg c1300LG C1300

This is a phone that you get for free by signing a contract and nobody would ever choose it for any other reason.

But here's what sets it apart — it features a "mirror" on the outside. Since when is a shiny piece of black plastic a mirror? I might as well look at my reflection in a puddle of motor oil in an alleyway.

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HP iPaqHP IPAQ H6315

In 2004, the HP iPaq was just four consonants away from “iPhone." You won’t find a touch screen keyboard here. Instead, it’s a separate keyboard attachment that clicks on to the bottom. It’s perfect for the type of on-the-go person who carries a miniature keyboard with them. It still works without the detachable keyboard which isn't so bad if you’re game for writing emails and sending text messages without the alphabet.

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firefly_phoneFIREFLY

In 2005, you bought this phone for your children if you wanted them to hate you. It’s like leaving a note in your child’s lunch box except that it’s a note that rings and lights up so that everyone notices it.

Finally, a cell phone design inspired by the lamest insect known to middle schoolers.

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Sanyo SCP-200 Photo 2SANYO SCP-200

The SCP-200 also has no internet, no call timer, no external display and a really small screen. But with that huge fucking speaker on the outside, I don’t know why you even have to open the phone.

It features caller ID.

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nokia 3650NOKIA 3650

blue ipod nanoWhen this phone came out in 2003, cell phones still had rotary dials. What were they thinking?

It looks like an iPod nano with gigantism.

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NOKIA 2115i SHORTY

If I were an urban, male-chauvinist cell phone, I would not call the Nokia 2115i Shorty a “shorty.”

But hey — if you ever drop something in a movie theater, the built-in flashlight will come in handy. Unfortunately, the thing you’ll drop will be this cell phone.

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cdm-105UTSTARCOM CDM-105

If I knew anything about Star Trek, I’d make a reference here. This phone looks like a little kid's walkie-talkie.

(Also, I know UTStarcom is a big company, but what the hell is "UTStarcom"? That name is ridiculous. They aren't from the future.)

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nokia 3390NOKIA 3390

This is another crappy Nokia phone but this one has interchangeable covers so it can look like many different crappy Nokia phones.

Pros: Cheap.

Cons: When the phone is on, it sucks.

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lg lx5550LG LX5550

You cannot be a man and use this phone. When you open this phone it should have a little brush and a tray with concealer in it.

When closed, it looks like it's pregnant.

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