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What?! WHAT!? Those are the top five things ruing Twitter?! These guys are waaaaay off.
Here are the REAL Top 5 Things Ruining Twitter:
- 99.9% of everything everyone does every day is not important. Twitter wants you to answer one simple question: "What are you doing?" Problem is, users have taken that idea and run with it. If you're sorting your socks or balancing your buttons, don't tweet about it! Before clicking on "update," allow me to suggest answering a second simple question: "Why would anyone on Earth ever care for even a split second?" If you can't answer, go back to your Facebook page, please.
Read the other four after the jump…
- Celebrity tweets are about as exciting as going for a swim through a mud puddle. "Celebs" are not immune to problem #1. Used to be that if you wanted to realize that celebrities' lives were as terribly mundane as yours, your only recourse was paging through a small weekly ration known as "Stars — They're Just Like Us" in US Weekly. Now, thanks to Twitter, we're provided with a non-stop feed of boring realizations and uninspired epiphanies from people we previously may have found interesting. Not since Pearl Jam released every single concert from their 2000 tour on CD has the world been so inundated with an overabundance of product proving that even the more creative among us need some serious outside quality control.
- Everyone tweets way too much. Imagine a movie with a dynamic compelling lead protagonist following a story built upon an interesting series of events. Now imagine if in the movie we saw everything that character did: his commute to work, eating breakfast, walking to the john. That movie would suck. It would be long and boring. A movie only shows events worth seeing. That is how you make something compelling. If you went to that movie, you would walk out. Now, imagine a party with good music and beverages a plenty. Then imagine every single person at that party talking to you constantly about a million different things at the same time. That's what a Twitter home pages look like. If you were at that party you would leave. Twitter = fad. Walk out now.
- People have to spell things so poorly to fit their thoughts into 140 characters that no one has any idea what anyone is talking about. Here's the odd thing about communication: People need to be able to communicate with it! People struggle so much to fit ideas into 140 characters, meaning gets totally tossed out the window. You'd be better off sending your friends a copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls and a gravity bong. Half the time, they have no idea what you are talking about! Luckily for me, I don't care.
- No one cares about your bullsh*t. Period.