Top 7 Videos That Have Gazillions of Hits and Haunt My Days By Their Mere Existence

I watch viral videos all day. It’s my job. Awesome, right?

Not all the time. When you see this list of videos with millions and millions of unexplainable views, you’ll see that watching viral videos can be painful and make you want to rip your eyes out with your bare hands and throw them in a pile of hot garbage.

These extremely popular videos aren’t funny, entertaining or informative, but somehow they’ve reached the top of the charts on the web. No one even gets kicked in the junk!!! It’s a total mystery, but hopefully after reading this list someone will be enlightened and solve this horrible, nagging question that hangs over all of our heads: WHY!?

Here are the top 7 videos that have gazillions of hits and haunt my days by their existence.

7. Dr. NoOne- 63.8 Million Views

This girl rambles for twelve minutes and has almost 64 million views. She's not a doctor, and judging by her apartment, she's not making any money giving free sex advice, so perhaps she should look into pursuing another career. I'm more entertained talking to my great grandmother who had her vocal chords removed 3 years ago and just makes a weird whistling sound when she "speaks." I fell asleep three times while watching this chick talk.

See the rest of the videos after the jump!

6. Six Seconds of Britney- 95 million views

You’d think something juicy like a video of Britney losing her mind and smashing paparazzi’s windows would pass this pointless thing up. But these guys know what they’re doing: it’s all on purpose! These guys are brilliant! Kudos!
…But it still sucks. I’ll have my 6 seconds back, please.

5. Que Quieres Oir- 96.4 million views

I don’t believe half the people who watch this even understand Spanish. Get over yourself, Spanish artsy video. You’re BOR-ING, and coming in at ten minutes long and 96 million views, you been played long enough to cover 1,834 years. No one ever lives that long and neither should you. Hit the bricks.

4. Panda Sneezes- 36.5 million views

I see. Panda’s surprised. It jumps. AMAZING. But it’s still in a cage in a zoo somewhere. Wouldn’t your time be better spent signing an online petition to save them or the rainforests or something? C’mon, people! FOCUS!

3. Dog Beanie Baby- 7.2 million views

What is this, the stupidest attempt at a prank in the history of the world? What’s your purpose in life, weird beenie baby!? WHAT!? Why did you pretend like you were a video about boobs!? I demand answers, and the time I’ve spent fuming over this back.

2. Topless Tease- 33.3 million views

This guy is moderately upset by ladies showing their cha-chas on the web. Moderately. Not extremely- where we gawk at his unexplained rage and thank god he’s not a member of our immediate family- but moderately. I'd even describe it as 'calmly.' Plus, we never see any smut! Get mad or naked, dude! Yawn city.

1. Butt Shot- 17.7 million views

This web gem with over 17 million hits makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth, but after I swallow it, I wonder why on Earth anyone would watch this. Ever. If you wanted to see a hairy ass, you could just ask your Uncle Rick to pull his pants down to his ankles while he dances to crappy house music. Going to go ahead and say this is the worst one ever. 17 million views!? You gotta be kidding me. This makes me want to start something on fire.