History on the Web: In Event of Moon Disaster

One of the awesome applications of the Internet is its ability to help archive the present.  Additionally, it can provide a powerful outlet for primary historical documents of yore as well.

Earlier in the week, Gawker ran a scanned copy of a speech presidential speechwriter William Safire had prepared for Nixon in case the astronauts of Apollo 11 — Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, the first men on the moon — became stranded there during their historic mission.

You can see the beginning of the speech above.  Click on the image to see the whole thing.

The document has been floating around the web for some time, but the Gawker post has seen it gain renewed interest.

And amazing timing too, because the Tosh.0 Blog has just obtained another exclusive lost moon landing speech, outlining what Nixon should say in a very different scenario.  Take a look after the jump…

To: H. R. Haldeman

From: Bill Safire     July 19, 1969.

IN EVENT OF ASTRONAUTS BEING EATEN BY MOON-KING

Fate has ordained that the men who went to the moon to explore in peace will stay on the moon to rest in peace in the stomach of the Moon-King, a monstrous space alien who has ruled over the moon for more than one thousand Earth years.

These brave men, Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, know that there is no hope for their recovery as alien stomach surgery has yet to be perfected by medical science. But they also know that there is hope for mankind in their sacrifice, being that we have now determined the enemy which must be defeated upon this distant sphere.

These two men laid down their lives alongside a heaping pile of mashed potatoes in mankind's most noble goal: the search for truth and understanding.

In their exploration, they stirred the people of the world to feel as one; just as the Moon-King stirred them into a light alfredo sauce.

In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations. In modern times, we do much the same, except now we know a giant flesh eating alien looks back at us with disdain and hunger.

Others will follow, and surely find their way home. Man's search will not be denied. But these men were the first, and they will remain the foremost in our hearts.

For every human being who looks up at the moon in the nights to come will know that there is some corner of another world that is ruled by a hideous starving moon monster.

May God have mercy on our souls.