6 Awesomely Terrible Thanksgiving Questions Asked on the Internet

Thanksgiving naturally brings with it a number of questions for the uninitiated.  What's a pilgrim?  Where's a Mayflower?  Buckles on a hat??  And so on.

Typically, when confusion hits, the Internet is a good place to turn.  It's full of amazing 'pedias and other smoke and mirror tricks.

However, some questions are just so far out of left field that even the masterminds behind the world wide web can't solve them!

We dug through two of the most popular user-generated Q&A sites — Answers.com and Yahoo! Answers — to bring you six of the most awesomely terrible questions ever asked about Thanksgiving!

See our list after the jump…

1. Q: What thanksgiving word is made with these letters vshatre?
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   Let's start off the list with a lob.  This question is easy.
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   Some idiot on Answers.com suggested "harvest."  Ha.  It's obvious the real answer is the true meaning of Thanksgiving: "Share TV."
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   Let the wife and kids have their Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in the morning.  There'll be plenty of time for the boys to hog the TV when the NFL games come on in the afternoon.
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2. Q: What are we really celebrating on Thanksgiving?
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   Good question!  Sure we're celebrating giving thanks and the Pilgrims and eating turkey.  But what are we really celebrating?  There's always a hidden meaning, some sort of devious underbelly.  It's good to see someone out there really wants to get to the bottom of all this.  Never be afraid to ask the tough questions.
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   Did turkeys create Thanksgiving as a mass suicide plan?  Was it dreamt up by the cranberry sauce lobby to ensure that their product would be bought at least once a year?  Maybe Native Americans concocted the holiday to build sympathy towards their casino businesses?
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   The true answer is that the world may never know.
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3. Q: What food was not served in 1621?
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   Another easy one: Canned corn.
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   Oh!  And Domino's Breadbowl Pasta™ Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese.
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   I'm also pretty sure they didn't have Fritos, but I cannot officially confirm this.  So never mind.  Take Fritos off the list.  I don't want to risk it.
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4. Q: How many days until Thanksgiving 2009?
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   Alright, wiseguy.  I see the trick here.
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   Obviously, how many days it is until Thanksgiving is dependent on the day you read the question.  Thus, the question is unanswerable, like "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" or "How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?"  (A Jew would never screw in a light bulb.  They'd just hire someone else to do it.)
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   If I wanted my intelligence insulted, I'd go to Mensa.org.
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5. Q: Will the internet be open on Thanksgiving?
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   The short answer: Yes.
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   The long answer: No.
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   Yes, you will be able to "go on" the Internet on Thanksgiving, but why would you want to?  The Internet is primarily run by bloggers — people who barely get up on a normal day of work, let alone a holiday.  Most bloggers will be sleeping in, hiding from their family who they openly despise.
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   The rest of the web is run by "tech guys."  Tech guys tend to be borderline morbidly obese.  Thanksgiving is therefore the most important day of their year.  Sedentary, self-loathing, and free from the burden of self-consciousness, tech guys consume more stuffing each Thanksgiving than the rest of America combined.
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   So, yes, though the Internet will be open, it will be at a standstill, free of any new content or updates.  Come back on Friday.
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6. Q: Want a recipe for PUMPKIN SOUP?
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   No.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!