My Reddit Secret Santa Gift

Last week, I asked "What Should I Send To My Reddit Secret Santa?", letting you — the readers of the Tosh.0 blog — determine what I send to the random Redditor selected for me in the Reddit Secret Santa gift exchange.

Luckily, it wasn't a vote.  Otherwise, my poor Secret Santa would be the recipient of a purple dildo.  That was the most common answer out of the 19 comments I received.  A purple dildo.  One person suggested that it sparkle.

Thanks a lot, everyone.  [Apparently, this is the one thing they tell you not to send in the official rules.]

Here's the deal: I am not getting any psychedelic mints involved, I am not sending raw meat, and this is not Daniel Tosh's personal yard sale.

Basically, the only suggestions I could come through on would be a ShamWow, $15 in toothpicks, an Obama head Chia Pet, or Bacon Bandages.

Seriously, those were my best options.

So, congratulations, anonymous Redditor!  For this year's Reddit Secret Santa you will be receiving $15 worth of Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages.

Yes, they are bandages that are made to look like strips of bacon, and you'll get plenty of opportunities to use them once this gift revives your latent depression and you once again begin cutting yourself so you can "feel something, anything."

Boy I am glad I let you guys help on this one!