Fat Car in a Little Coat
Don't you love it when international puff pieces go viral on the web? It's always so interesting to find out that in other countries cats ride the bus before being run over by a car, or that somewhere in the world there is a man with balls the size of beanbag chairs.
I don't speak whatever language the above video is in, but allow me to provide a loose translation nonetheless:
Reporter: Shane Brainhart is the laughing stock of his small depressing town where genocide is overlooked by local media outlets so that we may spend more time covering stories about small cars.
Shane: "My car is about 5 feet wide and my garage is barely even 5 feet wide, and ever since I was caught stalking young boys from inside my small car, I am no longer allowed to park on the street. So I installed this board here, which is as hard as my genitalia when I look at a young boy, to help squeeze my car in the garage. It is as tight as a young boy's sculpted body. Now watch."
Reporter: Shane squeezes the car into his small garage as if to attempt to prove his life has meaning.
Shane: "I put the car in neutral, you see, and can use this door to slide on inside my house. Voila. You think someone with talents like this would have at least one friend or a relative who would call or even visit on occasion."
Reporter: Why not just end your life, which is obviously miserable?
Shane: "I like to think of my car as an affront to God. That bastard wants to make my life a living hell and I say to him, I will persevere for no reason other than spite."
