A recent study from the Federal Communication Commission states that 60 million people do not use the Internet.

The UK's The Register reported on the findings, and I'm just going to cite whole chunks of this article because it pretty much speaks for itself:

"Of the roughly 60 million adult Americans who don't use the internet at all…45 per cent agreed with the survey statement that 'I am worried about all the bad things that can happen if I use the Internet.' Thirty-five percent were of the opinion that 'There is nothing on the Internet I want to see or use,' and one third thought 'The Internet is just a waste of time.'"

Which goes along with this gem:

"The study says that 15 million Americans think that broadband access is irrelevant, calling the internet 'a waste of time' and saying there's no content of interest to them or that they're satisfied with dial-up."

First of all, I also think the Internet is a waste of time: That's why I use it!  I have a lot of time to waste.

But for those who think it's a waste of time and don't use it, I'm sure your time is soooo valuable.  I mean, you have enough time to respond to FCC studies, which are far more important than anything you could ever do on the Internet.

That said, I am also very worried about the bad things that can happen to me on the Internet.  But I'm worried about the bad things that can happen to me when I leave the house too.  I'm basically crippled by fear.  But I'd rather be crippled by fear and not have to move from my desk than be running around with all the wackos in the real world.

Velociraptors are nowhere near as funny when you see them in person.

[via The Daily What]

Check out this memercoaster! I can't tell if I'm already on this damn thing or I've just been waiting in line for it all this time. Either way, the question remains: who chose which memes got to ride this thing? Or should I just ask, where is Epic Beard Man!?

[The Duty]

All of you jerks Tosh.0 fans, especially fans on Facebook, always complain that you want more vomit.

Well, you know what?  You want more vomit??  Here's where you can get more vomit…

CNN is reporting that on a current Celebrity Cruise "419 of the 1,838 passengers fell ill, along with 27 of the 849 crew members….  Their symptoms included upset stomach, vomiting and diarrhea."

And if you think that's bad: "The ship does not return to Charleston until Friday and will be at sea until then."

Just think: The excitement of watching people vomit with the fun of a Caribbean cruise!  How do you feel about that, huh?  Must sound like the most fun you could ever imagine in your entire lives?!

[via The Awl]

Here's a potential Jeopardy prompt for you:

This traditionally-minded TV game show played with fire by using the website 4chan.org in a clue during a recent episode.

Um, what is "Jeopardy," Alex?

You're right!

However, what's not right is Jeopardy's assertion that 4chan is "known" for posting "images."  ("Images" was the correct answer for those of you who were wondering.)

The prompt is really vague.  Here are other answers I personally would have accepted:

• What are "Lolcats"?
• What are "Advice Dogs"?
• What are "photos of their penises"?
• What are "photos of other people's penises"?
• What are "photos of other people's penises that have been mutilated"?
• What are "Simpsons' screengrabs"?

You get the point.  There are so many wonderful things that 4chan is known for other than just "images."

[via Reddit]

Unhappy people from left to right: Kate Hudson, Kristen Stewart, Claire Danes, Mia Wasikowska

Happy freaking Wednesday morning, people. Meh. Bleh. Boo.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I have no reason to get up and go to work today? Well, it’s time to ditch the self-pity and count your blessings.

Because at least you’re not a highly paid actress being forced to sit in the godforsaken front row for a Burberry event at London Fashion Week in some yawn-inducingly expensive clothes.

Could their lives be any less exciting? “Oh, god, not another plaid trenchcoat…”

We should feel grateful our days aren’t this bleak. Amirite?!?

[via Best Week Ever, photo via Getty Images]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Jessica!  You had 120 characters left!

I'm assuming you were planning on using those characters to write "…if I were legally allowed to marry a television show."

Which you're not.  At least here in California.  I'm not sure what state you live in.  Maybe somewhere like Vermont that kind of stuff flies.

But married or not, you can still watch.  That's legal in all 50 states.  (For now.)

Catch an all new episode of Tosh.0 on Wednesday, February 24th at 10:30pm / 9:30c on Comedy Central!

This video is titled "Why people don't walk cats," but I'm glad they are at least trying to walk their cat.

Cats have gotten a free ride for too long.  If my parents didn't yell at me to wake up every morning, I probably never would have gone to school.  I would have just been like, "Who cares!  I'm sleeping!  Screw you!"

But they forced me to go, and I got a good education, and look at me now: I'm a big-time Hollywood player!

Maybe if we encouraged cats to get off their lazy asses and start walking, they'd have something better than a couple lame websites and an annoying musical.  I dream of a day when motivated cats could star in a hit Hollywood blockbuster.

I mean — Jesus — look at this list of the "Top 5 Movies About Cats."  Gross.

Pull yourselves together, cats!  Your work is terrible!!

[via Blame It On The Voices]

As demonstrated by my successful journey, the subway system is a safe alternative to flying for days when you’re not up for air travel.

When it’s raining, for example, you can just as easily get to the park from your nest by taking the yellow line from Main to Berkshire.

Make sure to near the sliding door when the conductor announces that you’ve arrived at your destination. And briskly exit onto the platform before making your way to the escalator.

It’s important to stand on your feet and not attempt to fly within the subway car as in transit flight scares humans and could potentially risk your life.

Do not, I repeat, do not eat anything off the floor of the subway. This is seen as highly uncivilized. We’re more than dirty doves, guys. Now let’s prove it.

[via Best Week Ever]

Here is a brief list of things that are awesome:

• Domino rallies
• Not having to pick up after yourself

Thankfully, modern art has come to the rescue!

Los Angeles artist Karl Lautman created the project seen above which he calls "Ouroborus" — a Greek word that loosely translates to "art my 3-year-old will enjoy."

Someone then posted a video of Ouroborus online because no one in their right mind would travel more than a few minutes to see this thing in person.  Not that modern art lovers are in their right mind, but still…

Regardless, the piece is pretty cool.  He ruined our game, though.  Sore loser.

[via Boing Boing]

Do you find that your garden gnomes just aren’t pleasing you anymore?

Do you have $7,500 and literally nothing at all to spend it on?

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

If you answered yes to the first two questions and no to the last question then, listen up! Your wildest dream is about to come true! What? No. The planet Tatooine is not real. Sorry. Your second wildest dream is about to come true!

You can now own a Jurassic-sized T-Rex statue! Design TOSCANO's largest-ever sculpture stands at 22 feet long and 11 feet tall with “rows of menacing teeth” and “a fearsome tail and scaly skin”.

This is $7,500 of pure badassery, people. You need this. Your garden would never be the same. Call your mom downstairs and see what she thinks!

[via Geekologie]