Amazing Features of the New iPhone 4!

Yesterday, Apple officially announced the new iPhone 4!

Mashable released some of the product's specs yesterday, featuring amazing changes like:

• 24% thinner than current iPhone
• 4 times the previous iPhone’s pixel density
• Larger battery
• HD video recording, and iMovie for editing video on the iPhone
• Front- and rear-facing cameras for FaceTime, the new video chat app
• iOS will allow for multitasking

But that's not it!  Steve Jobs personally let us in on some more amazing features of the new iPhone 4!

• Holding the handset to your ear helps cure any AIDS concentrated in your head!
• Every hour you spend using the touchscreen interface replicates the esteem-boost of one missed physical encounter with a member of the opposite sex!
• Streaming video of Kevin James' movies on the iPhone 4 will actually make them funny!
• 411 directs you to Steve Jobs' home phone where he will gladly divulge fashion advice and vegetarian cooking tips!  (New Balance sneakers and don't use beef!)
• Fathers who use the iPhone 4 to contact their homosexual sons will feel 15% less shame over previous generation iPhone using fathers!
• As inspired by Chatroulette, a special button on the back of the iPhone 4 brings you one click away from being connected with video footage of a man's penis!
• Pictures taken from the iPhone 4 are digitally enhanced to include you motor-boating Christina Hendricks and then uploaded to a billboard in Times Square!  (Great for both guys and girls!)

So get your iPhone today!!!!!

Or June 15th??  When are they released?  I didn't actually read the article.