Mike Pomranz for Governor of Tennessee

I'm MikePomranz.com, your Tosh.0 Party candidate for Governor.

I'd like to recall all permits and registration for serving alcohol.  Everyone can serve alcohol.  You can serve drinks to a minor though, you get a beer bottle smashed over your head until you're paralyzed and you receive a $10 fine.

And, uh, I like to pai–  Paint red… or cyan… across the state where any empty canvas and sell it for kites so I can fly them on a windy day.

Also, I'm going remove all Lynyrd Skynyrd cover bands from the state, and have the real Lynyrd Skynyrd with the reanimated corpse of Ronnie Van Zant.

I also want to stop buttoned shirts.  Set it up like the Supreme Court rule in Monty Seaver vs. The Gap.  Can't find the hole for your button, you don't button.

I want you all to vote for Mike Pomranz.  I want you to say "black bugs blood" ten times really fast to my dog, Chipper, in the morning when you come out and we all pray to ALF and say "Ha!  I kill me!" and everyone have a nice day.  And I'll see y'all at the polls!

Thank you.  Have a nice day.

[via Today's Big Thing]