Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Yes, Kellz!  I would not change a single character of this tweet!!

A rock musical movie about September 11th? I haven't heard a plot that terrible since the plot of whatever M. Night She-yum-a-lawn's last film was.

[via NY Times]

Missing cats aren't the only cats that deserve their own posters.

[via TIFR]

What an arrogant soft drink that Sierra Mist is!

And what exactly do you mean when you tweet, "This stuff is tasty!"?  You mean Sierra Mist is tasty?  As in, you are Sierra Mist and you are tasty?

But if you're talking about Sierra Mist, you must be drinking Sierra Mist to note how tasty it is.  So what I'm envisioning is a giant can of Sierra Mist drinking a normal size can of Sierra Mist, which, frankly, is a bit disgusting — a soda drinking itself.

We'll see how far all of this braggadocio gets you, Mist.  I feel your time is coming.

P.S. Love your Cranberry Splash!  Tweet at me, homie!  For realz tho!  Let's work on a soda together!!!  LOL!!!

No? Okay then don't watch this.

Sunday School should have been taught using video games. And regular school too.

You can learn a lot about life from Link: fight evil, save the princess, use your magical sword.

[via TWBE]

Speaking as someone who has been shot in the fucking face on many occasions, I would suggest robbing the H&R Block instead.

Do you know how hard it is to fix your face!?  Not easy.

[via Reddit]

According to People:

When a little white baggie fell out of the purse she was carrying, Paris Hilton had an explanation for Las Vegas police.

"She had not seen it but now thought it was gum,” said an officer's report.

Ah, yes. The ole I-thought-that-white-powder-in-a-clear-plastic-baggie-was-gum excuse.

I could see how that might work. They look EXACTLY the same. In fact, I just turned down a piece of gum the other day because I thought it was a line of coke.

Last Friday, we showed you "Flamethrower Trombone" and asked you to give us a better title.

We picked five of our favorites and now it's your chance to vote on a winner.

Vote below! Then check back this Friday for the results and a new video.

Oh no, wait…  I got that headline wrong.  It's supposed to be "Heavy Drinkers Live Long."

TIME.com got the whole Internet excited yesterday with their article proclaiming "Heavy Drinkers Outlive Nondrinkers, Study Finds."  To quote:

"Even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables — socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on — the researchers found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers."

Now, I realize I am writing this on the Tosh.0 blog, so let me clarify: "Mortality rate" means the number of deaths, and the "drinks" are alcohol, not Toshtinis.

But yes, apparently, not only is any alcohol better than no alcohol, even tons of alcohol is better than no alcohol.

To truly ratchet up your health, I suggest exercises that involve alcohol.  Beer pong, sloshball or doing sit-ups into a bottle of vodka all are excellent ways of getting your heart pumping while consuming that life-giving nectar known as booze.

And why not get those essence-enhancing alcohol effects right at the start of your day!?  Morning drinking is the only way to go!

Suffering from severe illness??  Screw Western science! I get my medicine from Kentucky!  Try carrying a half-pint of whiskey in your back pocket.  Longevity is just a few sips away!

Thank you, TIME Magazine!  Drink responsibly.

Life cereal packaging: is it racist? You decide.

[via Zany Pickle]