There's no point in Charlie trying to talk his way out of this one. This is the kind of spot-on journalism that will hold up in court.

We know it wasn't an allergic reaction, Charlie. We saw you do coke! The Taiwanese animation cameras were on you like a teddy on a dick.

[via Gawker]

What are you, psychic?

Jordan…  Dude…  You can't make the first comment on a post and then go back and make a second comment that says, "FIRST."  That completely breaks all the rules of first.

Unless of course, your first comment said, "SECOND" and then you went back, and your second comment said, "FIRST" because that would be some crazy mind games type shit…

Regardless, this week I'm honoring your request for the kid that got hit in the gooch because most of the other suggestions I've already used before.  Do your research people!

Plus I love rewarding idiocy.  It's how I got this job.

Leave your suggestions for a favorite video in the comments!

Batman has tweeted his opinion on the newly announced title of Christopher Nolan's upcoming film. He says "not bad".

I kinda agree. It's okay. But is it play on wordsy enough?? I mean it's no Knight and Day. And we moviegoers are very simple minded. We want you to throw the puns right in our faces!

Wizards of the Coast is a company known for publishing fantasy and role-playing games including Dungeons & Dragons, Magic: The Gathering and the Pokémon Trading Card Game.

And if you get locked out of their website, apparently their security questions is "What was the first name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?"

Congratulations…  Your password is now lost forever.

I can't believe Wizards.com made this error.  There are so many better questions you could ask.  "Who is your favorite Lord of the Rings character?" or "What service industry company do you work part-time at?" of  "Where did you get that ridiculous haircut?"

[via Reddit]

Red Shirt Guy, aka InsaneGuyofDOOM, has broken his silence regarding the event:

"Hello, I am the "Red Shirt Kid" and I would like to clarify that my voice does not sound like that regularly. I was incredibly nervous at the time and the fact that I could hear my voice coming out so strangely only added to my fear. In a normal conversation I am far more fluent. Thank you."

There's no need to clarify, Red. Did Double Rainbow Guy explain himself? Did Antoine Dodson explain himself? Did Mel Gibson explain himself?! NO!

And what do all these men have in common? Internetfamy. So just go with it, Red. You'll be a Halloween costume soon enough.

[via Geekologie]

Hi, Mike Pomranz here.

Forget everything you've ever learned about how to use a firearm responsibly, okay?

[I shoot a face into a pumpkin.]

I think that'll do.

[I move the jack-o'-lantern to my porch.]

Alright, we got this old boy on the porch where it belongs.  As opposed to my home shooting range where it definitely didn't belong.

Mike Pomranz doesn't give away candy on Halloween.  Hopefully, this guy'll help me scare away all the annoying little kids.  Those kids are probably also scared because they just heard about 38 gunshots coming from my backyard this afternoon for no apparent reason.  Plus all the parents in the county know I'm a creepy old man who carries around a loaded glock.

Whaaa-haa-haa-ha-ha-ha!

[via The Daily What]

Just like in real life: some people are awesome, some are even more awesome, and some are totally fake.

And then others are just trying to promote their shitty band.

[via break, blameitonthevoices]

Happy Halloween!

From your friends over at Caucasian Garbage!

I can't believe they ruined a perfectly good pumpkin.

[via CollegeHumor]

No, it's not worth it.

That's why I got my degree from a parking garage.

And look at me now…  Tosh.0 blogger.  Boom goes the dynamite.

[via EPICponyz]