I promise I will never forget…

…the day I saw someone tip $9 on a $35 check.  You realize the economy is in the shitter, right?  We gotta tighten our belts!  I think 20% is a perfectly good tip.  Maybe $8 if you're rounding up.  $9 is just making the rest of us look bad.

[via Reddit]

I agree that these snow penises should be taken down immediately.  Waiting for genitals to melt is a slow and painful process.

[via BuzzFeed]

So there's this dude DJ Earworm who for the past few years has done what he calls the "United State of Pop" where he takes the Top 25 Hits according to Billboard Magazine and uses them to create the ultimate annual pop mashup.

Problem is pop music is basically like candy for your ears.

Now, I think we all can agree that an occasional piece of candy or two is great.  But if you try to eat 25 pieces of candy at once, you're going to puke all over the floor.

The moral: I watched the video above and puked all over the floor.

Are you the coolest baby on the block?

Liar!

[via BuzzFeed]

Cecilia Cassini shit a golden egg after seeing Alexander Wright's on-air interview.

It takes her at least 15 seconds to say something intolerably obnoxious. But this child of the underworld found a way to be the worst kid ever in under 10.

Like, omigod, Cecilia, stop him! He's stealing your spotlight and using it to sun his back!

[via The DW]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Don't sell yourself short, SC.  You're a great parent!

Tosh.0 is highly educational.

Here's a list of things I've learned watching the show:

• Smoking marijuana beats smoking salvia
• You gotta protect your gooch
• There's an article of clothing known as "a hoodie"

These things and more can…  Um…  What was the question?

Whoa, this salvia is hitting me really hard…

Filmed yesterday after the giant NYC blizzard.

We have a saying in Brooklyn: "Why actually go help when you can just be snarky aloud while recording from a safe distance?"

MAYBE?!?!?

[via I Am Bored]

Holy cow!  I can choose between cans of Bud Light, Bud Light Lime, Bud Select or PBR?

Can I get the cannon to shoot me in the head because I would rather do a walking tour of Afghanistan for a sip of piss than drink any of that crap?

On the plus side you could aim the cannon towards your local garbage dump to dispose of all those undrinkable cans of Bud Light Lime.

[via Gizmodo]

Whenever I meet Tosh.0 fans on the street, they're always like, "Mike, why do you post cat pictures on the Tosh blog?  None of us want to see that crap.  None of the other bloggers post that crap.  You obviously suck."

Well, what if I posted a picture of three cats banging — a mutha-f'in' cat orgy!?  On the hood of a car!  Just like a classy 1970s porno.  (You know the classy '70s porno I'm talking about.)

How you like me now?

You still hate me.  I get it.

[via BuzzFeed]