Drop the "watching Tosh.0 & playing pokemon" part and you would have my perfect weekend!

Ha.  Just kidding.  I would be watching Tosh.0 because they pay my salary and I need that money to buy more Tagalongs.

You had me at "Burma is heaven for Bieber".

[via BuzzFeed]

Otherwise, you'll be subject to three loooong minutes of Richard Simmons before take-off.

So, you want me to buckle up in between the fat lady and the crying baby and watch Richard Simmons dance? That's how this 11 hour flight is going to get started?

Yeahhh, I think I'll just swim to New Zealand instead.

[via Mashable]

The walk of shame is a lot more organized than when I was in college.

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

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"Okay, son. Let's just hit the condom aisle and then I think you'll be all set."

[via theCHIVE]

Some dude with an Appalachian accent and a balding head attempted to put 3,000 toothpicks in his beard. Alas, he ran out of surface area and ended up with only 2,747.

I was still impressed until I saw a guy with a better accent put 4,444 toothpicks in his hair. For charity.

Fuckin' Brits. Always making us look bald. I mean, bad.

[via BWE]

So that's why they leave a pen in your room…

We've had Do Not Disturb signs on the blog in the recent past, but I think this version brings the whole gag to its inevitable conclusion.

Remember: Honesty is always the best policy.  And it's respectful to future guests.  Now the maid knows what kind of stains to look out for.  Semen can be tricky to spot without a black light.

[via Reddit]

According to the description, "SmoothGroove is a comfortable, hygienically safe and discreet solution to Camel Toe."

Christ.  I hope to God this doesn't catch on or I'm going to have to change the name of my Sade cover band.

Oddly enough, this woman's solution to her embarrassing camel toe problem was to become the international spokeswoman for people with embarrassing camel toe problems.  Maybe not the most well thought out plan.

[via BuzzFeed]

The good news is your baby has stopped crying.

The bad news is your baby is the antichrist.

(The other good news is I finally beat Carly to a baby video.)

[via The Daily What]

Chuck Norris doesn't watch the news. He is the news.

[via reddit]