"You shit in one doorway and suddenly everyone is hanging 'This Man Shits in Doorways' signs with your picture on it!" – A guy who has shit in at least one doorway

[via The Clearly Dope]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Come on, Savannah!  Get back upstairs.

That dead body isn't going to throw itself in a trash bag and bury itself under a pile of leaves in the wooded area behind your house.

You're gonna need a less carp-filled boat.

[via VVV]

It's hard being a woman. We're the weaker sex. And since we don't have muscles and deep voices, we have to work with what we do have.

Boobs.

That's why Stephanie Robinette used her God-given weapons to spray milk all over the deputies that tried to arrest her.

Stephanie faces charges including disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. But those policemen face a lifetime of knowing what breast milk tastes like. So she's the real victor in the end.

[via Weird News]

Zhang's one-man show has been getting a lot of buzz.

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

And help us choose our favorite by liking the captions you think are best. We'll take your likes into consideration when making our pick.

On a mobile device? Go here.

[photo: ChinaFotoPress/Getty Images]

TOMORROW on an ALL NEW episode of Tosh.0, Daniel pulls Christian out from under the fart bus.

Tune in to Tosh Tuesday at 10!

But the food was good? K, I'll try it.

[via imgur]

There's a harsh truth to face.  No way I'm gonna make it on the outside.  All I do anymore is think of ways to break my parole, so maybe they'd send me back.  Terrible thing, to live in fear.  Brooks Hatlen knew it.  Knew it all too well.  All I want is to be back where things make sense.  Where I won't have to be afraid all the time.  Only one thing stops me.  A promise I made to Andy.

But then I think, Fuck, Andy.  I'm a goddamn penguin.  What does he expect from me!?

[via VVV]

Here it is: Our third and final featured video from our Tosh.0 5-Second Challenge.

Let's just say it seemed like… a fitting exit.  YEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Thanks to everyone who has participated by uploading videos.  Watch all the clips people sent in by going to tosh.comedycentral.com/5seconds.

Apparently aliens are about to invade London.

Over the weekend, quite a few people caught unidentified flying objects on camera. More footage of the spacecrafts can be seen here, here, here, and in the background of a news story here (at 1:03).

Either aliens are real, Thor is coming back for Natalie Portman, or someone lost a frisbee.

[via IHC]