Chris Lesinski

This man. Do you see this man? Do you see the glasses he's wearing? They are computer glasses. Have you heard of these?

We'd all like to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Apparently, the internet is best through piss-colored glasses.

These are glasses — specially tinted glasses — designed for viewing a computer screen. The yellow tint is designed to reduce "eyestrain" and provide other pseudo-scientific benefits like MORE ENERGY! Yes, tinted glasses can do these sorts of things. You just have to believe. In homeopathy.

But don't take my word for it! Take their word for it! Here are some of the technologies that the manufacturer (Gunnar) uses:

• diAMIX™ lens material offers an optically pure viewing experience with ultra-light, ergonomic properties;
• iONik™ lens tint takes artificial light and precisely tunes it to the physiology of the eye;
• fRACTYL™ lens geometry mimics nature to aid the natural focusing power of the corneal lens and creates a preferential ocular microclimate.
• i-Fi™ lens coatings capture good light from digital screens while filtering out glare and reflective light;

Pretty serious, huh? "i-Fi" is a hip trademark in so many different ways. They're lucky they got that one.

But even if you buy their pitch and choose to get a pair, it probably doesn't matter. Remember: Girls who wear glasses seldom get passes. Geeks don't get passes either way.

There's a pretty swell list of how popular internet things compare to their addictive drug counterparts. It's got MySpace as "huffing spray paint" because it "destroys any chance of looking credible" and Vimeo as a good tab of acid. And, indeed, YouTube can ruin a party as bad as a bottle of tequila. But I definitely have some trouble with them comparing Tumblr to a nice bottle of wine. Here's how he explains it:

A quiet night in with a couple friends, and a couple of their friends. Spilling nostalgic stories, flipping through photo albums, singing favorite songs, aiming for poignancy, and occasionally stumbling onto it. Emotions flow freely and without thought.

Ok, but why the nice bottle of wine?  You couldn't have this same event with a cheap bottle of wine?  Or any bottle of wine?  Or any alcohol for that matter? Suddenly, because you're a Tumblr fanboy, it's a bottle of Opus One. Get over yourself.

[via BuzzFeed]

Or — Why are their eyes in the right place FOR THE HOLES IN THEIR FUR?

No matter how you ask it, the coincidence is puzzling. Leave your explanations for this evolution puzzle in the comments.

Yesterday, a woman in Orange County called the cops after hearing a noise downstairs. It was probably the sound of her gold-plated dishwasher running, but she suspected it was a burglar.

Okay –- fair enough -– I’m fine with her calling the police for the occasional frivolous incident since she probably paid for the whole police department with the luxury taxes on her nose job.

But here’s when things got a little ridiculous. According to the OC Register, after the police checked out her home, finding no evidence of a break-in, she “requested that the deputies Google Earth her house and keep it on satellite surveillance overnight.”

I’m kind of surprised she hadn’t already bought a hybrid-electric-powered satellite space telescope from Hammacher Schlemmer to watch over her estate. Everyone has one of those.

I guess she presumed that kind of Enemy of the State technology was just a standard government service. I mean, they even get that kind of service in Iran for free. Like, from the CIA.

Remember that super-viral skateboarding dog named Tillman? He's back!

He happens to be playing a just-released-on-Monday Tony Hawk video game right before Christmas season. There's no way this is staged!

A dog playing a skateboard video game wouldn't be that hard to fake when you think about it. All you really see him do is sit, stay, come forward a little bit, etc. I won't be impressed until they can get a dog to beat Dance Dance Revolution.

This week's unclaimed domain:

ToshPoint1.com

.

I don’t know if it’s even possible to “upgrade” Tosh.0. The show is already so good. But who knows –- season two might be that much more mind-blowing. That's why this week, I'm peddling the domain name ToshPoint1.com. Any takers?

Here are some things you could do with ToshPoint1.com:

• A homepage for the point guard on the Tosh.0 basketball team.
• List improvements the show could make in performance, stability, and security.
• A gossip blog speculating about the demerits on Daniel Tosh's driver's license.
• Cybersquat the domain on speculation that the network will change the show's name. (They won't.)
• Or, you can't lose by just forwarding it to the Tosh.0 Blog

If you don't know how to buy a domain name, here's how. Buy ToshPoint1.com before Comedy Central does!

I'm afraid to say anything mean because this dude might come after me looking for some payblack, but here goes:

• I don't know how he's going to handle both of those girls at once. He might have to put one of them on the black burner.
• Say what you will about appearances, but I know this guy and he would literally give you the shirt off his black.
• Or, as one BuzzFeed user put it: "I want to make him black and blue by popular demand."

As I've probably just proven, you can't replace "back" with "black" and then suddenly think you're a bad-ass. Wearing a do-rag doesn't work either.

[via BuzzFeed]

Did you know that if you slow down a water balloon popping, you can see the water hold in the shape of the balloon for a moment? Crazy huh?

Did you know that if you slow down a golfball being hit, you can see it compress to like 3/4 the size?

How 'bout this one? Did you know that if you slow down a metalhead freak flipping his dreadlocks, absolutely nothing interesting happens?

You're missing the point of slow-motion. It's supposed to be so I can see something I didn't the first time — maybe the momentary look of terror on your face as you get owned in a mosh pit. I see no such enjoyment factor in your attempt at the slow-mo hair moves of a L'Oreal Paris commercial. (Though, I quite liked the Trampled Cheerleader's crack at it at the end of her web redemption.)

This video is also accompanied by the dude's song "Rag Tag Flag." I can understand why he'd use this tactic to promote it. "Freak On a Leash" proved that heavey metal plus a slow-motion video is a winning combination… if you want to be on TRL in the 90s and then never heard from ever again.

Old people doing just about anything can be funny on the internet.

Reddit filed this video of "Technoviking's grandma" under WTF but I think it makes perfect sense. I mean, being really, really senile is basically the same thing as dropping acid, right?

If I'll be spending my retirement days dancing to techno in broad daylight with a bunch of Italians, I'm officially cashing in my 401k right now.

Wait, you mean when a Janet Jackson song starts playing everyone doesn't usually break out into her choreographed dance? Maybe for her brother's music, being that he was an actual superstar. But Janet has to arrange this sort of thing.

Janet Jackson has this new compilation album coming out today (among other things I don't care about). The above "flash mob" was one of three commissioned to celebrate the release. Though the whole thing was organized by "Flash Mob America, " Jackson's website also pimped out the events to draw the fans. And then — what a surprise — Janet Jackson herself showed up at one of the flash mobs (you can see her on the balcony in the video). This definitely wasn't a publicity stunt!

I don't care if you're famous; you're not allowed to organize flash mobs for yourself. You can sell out the Staples Center. People will pay you to get into a gigantic group. There's no need to prove that you can organize a bunch of people to dance to your music at a shopping mall. That's not a "flash mob." It's just a mob.