Chris Lesinski

A week from today, GeoCities — Yahoo's free website hosting arm — will be no more. Yahoo decided to pull the plug a while ago but on Monday, it's official. (Don't worry. We'll be paying our respects for the rest of the week.)

One of the two and a half things that GeoCities bestowed upon web culture was the idea of “under construction." Just stick an ugly orange warning image on your site, and you have instant license to jack things around without regard for your users!

People are scrambling to save things from GeoCities before they go “poof" and a group called Archiveteam has built a site to save these legendary under construction signs. It’s kind of ironic that they’re saving "under construction" signs from a site that’s about to get demolished. I guess it makes sense though –- people will need them when they start rebuilding after Yahoo bulldozes the place.

Sites are always under construction but when was the last time you actually saw one of these signs? In concept, they don't make much sense — even back then — since websites are almost by definition dynamic entities.

One banner that I saw had flashing sirens surrounding animations of men using pneumatic drills over a hammer being operated by an invisible hand slamming the "C" in a giant "UNDER CONSTRUCTION." Why did they have to make such a big deal out of being under construction in the 90s? “Hey! See this fancy construction GIF? That’s just a preview of how impressive my site is about to be when it’s done.” Sadly, putting up 37 under construction animations is definitely as impressive as your Family Matters fan page ever got.

Why should there be a civil engineering motif to websites that are still being made? Real construction isn't similar to making changes to a website. In real life, construction causes traffic. On the web, it's the opposite.

Plus, by this rationale, computer science geeks are "construction workers." Well then, where are the tans and muscles! Nonsense. Making a website will never be hard manual labor.

But there's one construction GIF that's acceptable to use. How could you pass this up? My Web Developer is the Lord.

[via The Presurfer]

Beam me up, Eminem.

When I tell you that the above video exists — Eminem's "Without Me" remixed into Klingon, the language of Star Trek nerds — you probably think, "Okay, I believe that. The internet is home to a bevy of such mash-ups, especially geeky stuff." But this isn't just a video. It's a real German artist called Klenginem with a real website and real gigs. Though his tour schedule isn't updated, he actually tours the European geek convention circuit, according to Underwire.

It seems that Eminem has such broad appeal that converting his songs into some other niche language could draw an audience no matter what. So, I have a few ideas for translated Eminem cover bands:

• Slim Wookie
• Pig Latinem
• P£34S3 ST4|\|D µP
• Elvish Mile
• OH HAI, MAH NAYM IZ

But maybe I'm completely wrong about these and Klenginem will be the only artist to live well and prosper. Afterall, I'm a doctor, not a freestyle rapper.

In last season's NFL playoffs, the Eagles beat the Giants in a divisional round game putting an ending to the New York team's season. Hopes were high for the Giants since they won the Superbowl in 2008. Hopes were a little bit too high for Rob.

This is what football can do to you. That’s just one more reason I don’t watch it. And people used to call me a woman.

Rob's video got posted all over sports blogs where it garnered almost 400,000 views worth of embarrassment. If you think Rob's friends are ruthless, you should see the commenters. Even other Giants fans disowned him.

This Thursday, Daniel helps Rob regain some respect.

Catch a new episode Thursday at 10pm / 9c to see Rob's full redemption. And until then, check out all of our Web Redemptions.

Boy! Viral marketers just gotta calm down. Here's a little marketing ploy web app that's going viral today. At least, the company behind this one is being upfront and admitting its advertising.

The "Expense-A-Steak Headquarters" is an app that helps you falsify office expenses. You enter how much dough you need into the space and it spits back a PDF image of fake receipts that total to your requested dollar amount.

Maloney & Porcelli, the steakhouse who put this together, has this rationale: come to our steakhouse, spend lots of money on steak, put the total for the bill into our site and get reimbursed by your company for a lavish dinner. They're basically admitting that nobody in their right mind would personally pay for a $200 steak dinner. Instead, they'll be your accomplice in paying for it illegally. Good business model.

I'm just going to use it so I don't have to do those stupid expense reports in the first place. Accounting might not fall for it though. I'd have to explain why I flew to New York to buy 19 wire desk trays and 34 2-packs of whiteout.

[via Urlesque]

Please, tell me more!:

Before going out with my girlfriend I was kind of obsessed with her. I took pictures I had of her and scanned them into a japanese program that creates a 3d model of her which you can then ummmm… have your way with. Ahem.

I made about 50 different videos with this software, most of them were of her making love and performing oral sex on a 3d model of myself, and sometimes multiple versions of me. Others involved machines….you get the idea.

I eventually worked up the courage to talk to her and we ended up hitting it off and are now a couple, the problem is that she used my computer and ended up finding the vids even though they were buried inside multiple folders. Of course she was pretty freaked out, especially since the titles of the vids were needlessly crude on my part. She said she had to leave and needs some time alone.
If the program had options for making cuddling on the couch and walking through a park while holding hands videos there would have been far more of those, I hope she doesnt think that I view her as some kind of sexual object because I truly do love her

How can I smooth this over with her?

Yeah, I bet the needlessly crude titles were what freaked her out.

I'd love to hear your advice in the comments, but I doubt you'll be able to do better than the current winner at Yahoo Answers:

Pull your dick out and bounce it off of her forehead.

LA Weekly, one of L.A.'s primary alt-weeklies, went into its archives and found some of the most outRAGEous party photos they've ever taken. They compiled them into one big article called "Nightlife Fail: Signs the Party is Over," which hit on Digg last night.

Each image has a caption explaining why it constitutes a "party's over" moment.

See that one at the top of this post? It's number one on their list. Its caption is: "You pass out in the snow, wearing nothing but shorts."

Wrong. That's for sure a sign the party is about to start.

I mean, when the hell does it snow in L.A.? At the end of Crash. (Spoiler alert! Too late!)  And yes, no party started there.

But that's just a fictitious movie.  If it seriously ever snowed in L.A., there would be massive parties. We would riot. It hasn't snowed here since 1962. Which, by the way, means this picture must not have been taken in LA, so why's it on the list anyway?

See number 2 on their list after the jump…

Read more »

Nobody did anything productive for about an hour yesterday. All eyes were on the boy who floated away inside a balloon. “Are we part of a fictitious tale?” we thought. “Are we actually inside a Roald Dahl novel?”

No. We actually were not. In fact, the boy wasn’t actually even inside the balloon.

Doesn’t that suck? Such a fanciful story so quickly became a sham. If only we could relive that hour of verisimilitude when we all believed.

Well, now you can write your own version of the balloon boy tale online with the Balloon Boy Game. You can be balloon boy.

(If you’re still crushed by the half-truths of Balloon Boy and this web game offers no solace, you might enjoy the story of this 18-year-old MacGyver instead.)

Play the game, after the jump.

Read more »

Diet Coke and Mentos are a deadly combination in a bottle, but what about inside Daniel Tosh?:

Crazy right?!

Finally, you can check out every single raw clip used in tonight's episode in this week's raw clips guide.

ThisMan.org, a site that has garnered a lot of hype recently, displays the image to the right paired with this slogan: "every night throughout the world hundreds of people dream about this face."

Hundreds?  Sure.  Odds are they're right being that there are literally 6 billion people in the world and the only defining feature of this face is a unibrow.

Over the past few days, the blogosphere has been posting about this creepy site, which is supposedly a community for people who’ve dreamed about this generic visage. In reality, a few smart people have determined that this site is phony — all just to promote a movie or something.

See, here at Tosh.0, we don’t buy into the usual internet buzz. We’re a journalistically responsible blog. We check our facts. We don’t fall for hoaxes. Instead, we start them.

Ever dreamed of this man? I have. Tell us your dream stories in the comments.

This week's unclaimed domain:

ZachBraffIsDead.com

.

This week, there was a scare on Twitter that Zach Braff was dead. You can read about it at Urlesque, but to summarize: Zach Braff is not actually dead. That whole thing got me thinking… How could someone profit off this hoax? With a website.

Here are some things you could do with ZachBraffIsDead.com:

• Make a conspiracy theory message board which purports that Zach Braff actually is dead.
• List of ways the writers could kill J.D. (Zach Braff) in Scrubs, thus complying with his contract of only six more episodes.
• Do nothing with it until Zach Braff actually dies, then sell the site for a lot of money.
• Or, just buy it and forward it to the Tosh.0 Blog!

Zach Braff probably has at least another 60 years in him — but this domain does not! Buy it before someone else does. If you're not sure how to buy a domain name, here's the scoop.

I'm pretty excited about last week's unclaimed domain name, WasFeed.com (a play on BuzzFeed). Someone's setting it up on a blogging platform — it might actually be a real site some day…