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I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first? The bad news?

Okay.

Justin Bieber cut his hair.

I'll give you a moment to recover.

You back? Okay. Now here's the good news. Said trimmed locks are for sale.

A box of Bieber hair? Hell yeah. How early is too early for Christmas shopping?

Now head on over to eBay and make your $10,000 bid. The money will benefit an animal shelter. But let's be honest. The real winner here is YOU.

[via The Clearly Dope]

You're creepy. You like Facebook stalking.

You're currently looking through photos of that hot girl you work with. You're three years into her past.

Huh, she had bangs. Glad those grew out.

You're wondering when she'll ever break up with her loser boyfriend. Apparently not today. Because no matter how many times you refresh her profile, it still says she's taken.

Well wonder no more!

Because someone who is even creepier than you created the Breakup Notifier! It's an application that emails you as soon as the person you're interested in changes his or her status to 'single'.

Go on now. Be a more efficient stalker.

Think of all the extra time you'll have to work on her shrine!

[via The DW]

And this is one of them. Holy shit, Remmy.

I think the real question here is, why are toaster ovens so small? If you add a toaster to an oven, shouldn't it be at least as big as the oven?

I guess to put it into simplest terms, How come a toaster plus an oven is a toaster oven but then my toaster oven is only the size of my microwave which is way smaller than my oven?

[via IHC]

Esperanza Spalding beat out Justin Bieber for "Best New Artist" at the Grammys on Sunday. As you can imagine, Bieb's fans were very upset. And so they did what any angry, bitter group of people would do?they took to editing her Wikipedia page.

"JUSTIN BIEBER DESERVED IT GO DIE IN A HOLE" is no "Tosh.0 is pronounced smeg-mah". Come on, Beliebers. You can do better.

And her new middle name? Quesadilla? Who thought of that, a 12 year-old?!? Oh…right.

[via Blame It On The Voices]

OkCupid — the best place to find casual sex since Craigslist was taken over by murders — knows what you want out of dating: a chance to bone.

So the site researched their data to figure out the best question to ask someone to find out if they would be willing to have sex on a first date.

Only one question on their list had a "a meaningful correlation" for both women and men.  That magic inquiry: "Do you like the taste of beer?"  ("Yes" means you have a shot at love-making, "no" means you're with a prude.)

But they limited their list of questions to only "simple" questions that are "easy to bring up."  Otherwise, I'm sure there would be a few others that could serve as guarantees that your date would put out.  Like these:

• Do you like the taste of 30 beers?
• Do you like the taste of vodka when you drink it straight out of the bottle?
• Do you like the taste of beer with roofies in it?

Either way, you've now learned a valuable lesson: When someone asks you if you like the taste of beer, they want to screw you.

If you still want to eat at Taco Bell after hearing that their "beef" is only 35% actual beef then, first of all, I am not surprised. And secondly, they want to thank you for that!

Taco Bell is giving away 10 million free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Tacos today. To get one, simply "like" them on Facebook. Or, just go around your house and start throwing dust and chalk and sand into a bowl of a chili powder until you have enough filling to stuff a shell. It's the same thing.

Now seems like a good time to remind you that if you "like" Tosh.0 on Facebook, we'll give you free jokes!

And these aren't filler jokes either. Though a small percentage of our stuff may be sand.

[Taco Bell]

Mahfood feeds the poor. Get it?

I bet he only got the job because of his last name. Kinda like how Daniel Tosh was asked to host Tosh.0.

Lucky break, guys.

[via TheHD] [yes, the site is real]

Why start a themed Tumblr site?  At best, you might get a book deal.  And when's the last time you read a book?  Never.

So here's the latest: Tom Hanks is a Lot of Animals.

Yes, it's Tom Hanks' face on a bunch of animal bodies.

Here's an interesting development though: Mr. Hanks actually tweeted about the site on his official Twitter…

Alright, dude.  You got his attention.  Now ask him out!

As for me, I have to go put Justin Bieber's face on a bunch of animals.  Tweet me, Bieb!

With all that is going in Charlie Sheen's life with the partying and the alcohol and the briefcases full of cocaine, many people out there keep asking the same question…

Oh, and how did I forget the porn stars!?  So many porn stars!  And hookers!  (Well, I mean, some of them are both porn stars and hookers.)

Anyway, there's a new website dedicated to constantly keeping us updated on Charlie Sheen's status…  IsCharlieSheenDead.com.

Check it out.  It's the most up-to-the-minute source you'll find!

At first I was thinking, Oh, ha, that's a funny thing to post on Craigslist.

Then I realized, Wait, this is posted under "Missed Connections."

So suddenly I'm wondering, Did he mean "awkward" as in he wanted to join in but was too busy pooping!?

And then I was like, Where is this health club?

[via Reddit]