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In fairness, her reason is only slightly dumber than the real one.

If we're going to make an empty gesture by changing our profile pictures, we may as well stick with the unicorn petting a cat. That movement was going somewhere!

[via EPICp]

Usher and other celebrities made a vow last week to not tweet again until $1 million dollars was raised for Keep A Child Alive charity for AIDS.

But, as we all know because we all read this blog on a daily basis and never miss one single post, fans didn't really come through as planned. It's been a week and they still haven't raised half of the funds.

However, that didn't stop the singer from wishing a happy belated birthday to a friend. Then tweeting 3 more times this weekend.

There's AIDS. And then there's Usher's shout to "the lil homie Prince JB". Only one of those things can wait.

On Friday, I posed the question to you: What gift should I send my Reddit Secret Santa this year?

You guys gave me over a hundred suggestions.  And apparently, you're kings of the crappy gift who spend a lot of time surfing the web and watching late-night infomercials.

I'm not sure if my Secret Santa would like any of these things, but I'm sure it'll make a great holiday gift guide for the Tosh.0 blog:

• Kat F suggested, "Farter's Choice Meds."
• Shea said, "Send that bitch a Snuggie."
• Justin suggests, "FUNDIES-Underwear Built for Two!!"
• Karie's Phone was one of many people who suggested "Shake weights! everyone needs those. fun for a girl or a boy (or is that slinky)? either way shake weights!!!"
• Swimmy somehow knew about "Make Your Own Lip Balm."
• Krisk said, "Handerpants….must have this season…."
• Donielle suggested "some adult footie pajamas with the tosh logo on them."
• Kate thought "bootypop!" was the way to go.
• And Cassie suggested the worst gift of all, "Twilight on DVD."

And yet somehow after reading all those suggestions, I still felt unsatisfied.  But one person had the holiday spirit in mind.

"Did your recipient list any likes or dislikes?" avnerd asked.  "Since it's all about the giving you should get them something good."

Great call, avnerd!  So I did a little research on my Secret Santa.  Turns out he's recently moved to a new city and is trying to meet some new people.

So I've decided to class this place up a bit.  This year's gift is a set of two Riedel 'O' Champagne Stemless Glasses!

What better way to meet someone new than to say, "BITCH, LETS GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND DRINK VEUVE CLICQUOT OUTTA MY CLASSY NEW STEMLESS CHAMPAGNE FLUTES!"

Booyah!

Remember to sign up for next year's Reddit Secret Santa and maybe you'll be lucky enough to have some badass like me send you some brand new mutha' f'in' Riedel stemless champagne flutes!

Scoleciphobia is the fear of worms or anything that looks like a worm. So it makes perfect sense that the accompanying photo on Wikipedia would be of a kid losing it in the presence of some Gummi Worms.

How do we know he's not just afraid of trans fats?

[via reddit]

It's my favorite time of year — the time of year when I sign up for Reddit's online Secret Santa and then let you, the readers of the Tosh.0 blog, determine what I send.

Last year, thanks to your terrible suggestions, some poor Redditor received Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages.  I'm hoping for 2010 we can dig deep within the good side of our hearts and not send this year's guy such a crappy gift!

Remember, there are only three rules:

1. No food items
2. No living things
3. No NSFW items (aka the "giant sparkly purple plastic dong" rule)

Also, the suggested spending limit is $15.  But, since I am a rich blogger, I may be willing to go as high as $20!  …assuming the suggestion is good enough.

Leave your gift ideas in the comments and then on Monday I'll let you know what I'm sending.

Everyone who suggests I send a giant sparkly purple plastic dong will receive one free piece of coal.

Lady Gaga, Kim Kardashian, Usher, and other celebs made the ultimate sacrifice to raise money for AIDS.

They vowed to not tweet again until fans donated $1,000,000. Cue gasps!

The thing is though, World AIDS Day came and went. And two days later, only $181,260 has been raised.

It's terrible because no money was made. But it's also hilarious because no money was made. And they've all vowed digital silence.

It could be a looong time before Kim Kardashian types again. But how will we know what she was paid to say about Millions of Milkshakes!?!!?

[via Gawker]

Over the holidays, I see a lot of people I don't see during other times of the year.  One of the main questions I get asked is, "What is your job like?"

Oh, you mean the job where I stare at the Internet for hours on end until it drives me absolutely crazy?

This year, instead of having a sobbing meltdown in front of these people, I figured I could let them "hear" what my job is like.  Thus, I am creating an Internet soundtrack… the songs that most represent the Internet to me.

Here's what I have come up with:

1. "Why must I cry?" by Reh Dogg
2. "What What (In the Butt)" by Samwell
3. "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday
4. "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go
5. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" by Chip-man & the Buckwheat Boys
6. "I'm On A Boat" by The Lonely Island feat. T-Pain
7. "Bed Intruder Song" by Antoine Dodson & The Gregory Brothers
8. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley

Of course the whole thing would have to end with "Never Gonna Give You Up" because the whole CD is basically one giant troll.

What songs represent the Internet to you?  What did I forget?

If you want to recreate my soundtrack or put one together of your own, almost all of the songs above are available on Rhapsody (which is currently offering a free 14 day trial).  It would make a great Christmas gift to give someone whose holiday you're looking to ruin.

A company known as Condomania claims to have figured out how American cities rank by penis size and have released this information to the masses.

The top 15 cities as ranked by penis size can be seen above.  They also ranked all 50 states.

How did Condomania procure such information?  Tugjobs.  Tons of tugjobs.

Ha, just kidding.  I mean, they might have given out some tugjobs in the process, but this is their real explanation:

"In 2004, the company launched TheyFit Condoms, the world's first line of tailored-fit prophylactics, in 76 sizes. Since then they have sold custom-fit condoms to over 27,000 men in 70 countries, and now have just begun to analyze this incredible cache of data."

So, technically, what the rankings really show is which cities have the best endowed men within their fitted-condom-buying communities.

And everyone knows that real men don't even use condoms, let alone buy custom-fitted condoms they don't need because they are real men.

So the whole thing is a fraud.

Unless you live in New Orleans.  Then OF COURSE IT'S CORRECT.

[via BuzzFeed]

There are 8 days left to bid on the snow-covered surprise car for sale on eBay. It's a gamble but the seller promises satisfaction:

We believe you, sir. The all-caps Comic Sans shows us you mean business!!!

Man, remember when you used to have to look in the paper for a used car then you had to go and snow it up yourself? The Internet has changed everything.

[via reddit]

The Facebook shoe by Scottish designer Gerry Mckay is an actual shoe that is actually for sale. It's basically an old school Adidas with two Facebook logos and the Facebook slogan printed on the inner wall.

Yup.

Reminds me a bit of my side project I was hawking a few months back that no one took seriously. Well, folks.

Who's laughing now?

Just me and Gerry Mckay.

[via Gawker]