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At first I was thinking, Oh, ha, that's a funny thing to post on Craigslist.

Then I realized, Wait, this is posted under "Missed Connections."

So suddenly I'm wondering, Did he mean "awkward" as in he wanted to join in but was too busy pooping!?

And then I was like, Where is this health club?

[via Reddit]

I'm no 17 year-old boy but it sounds like he's talking about masturbation!

Either that, or his washing machine isn't spacious enough to fit his sheets and his tiny Bieber socks.

So what do you think? Is Biebs washing his clothes or is he airing his dirty laundry in front of 6.8 million followers???

Cast your vote on this extremely important debate now!

[via @justinbieber]

[Click to play]

Listen guys. Here's the thing. I'm on a plane and my battery life is quickly dying. So a Nadya Suleman bondage video is the best I can do.

Basically, my vacation has resulted in your worst nightmare.

[TMZ]

Most URL shorteners have the same problem: They have nothing to do with Justin Bieber.

Not http://bieber.ly.  Bieber.ly intertwines Justin Bieber with your favorite website more gracefully than a duet with Ludacris.

I've already done you the favor of figuring out the Tosh.0 website's Biebified address.  It's http://bieber.ly/dcd5.

Now every time you visit the Tosh.0 blog, it'll be like gently embracing a 16-year-old boy.

[UPDATE: Apparently, Biebify-ing is no more!  The site has been taken down due to some sort of legal action.  I know it's tough, but try to keep it together.]

[via The Daily What]

You might be surprised how many stock photos there are of women laughing alone while eating salad. The Hairpin has compiled quite a few.

But if you were a girl, you'd know it's not all that uncommon to giggle over a bowl of mixed greens.

We happy, healthy women just looooove our lettuce! We love lettuce almost as much we love jumping in the air with shopping bags.

You're probably wondering whether there's anything we love more than shopping and salad.

Well, just don't get us started on group fitness classes.

I can't tell you how many times I've stared at an iPhone and thought, How can this technology help me get high?

Well, the makers of the Roll Your Own iPhone app apparently have our best interests in mind, creating a one stop shop for joint rolling.

All you do is place your iPhone on a flat surface, lay a rolling paper across the screen, toss some pot from your grinder on top and — voilà! — the app rolls a perfect joint for you every time!

Well, actually, Roll Your Own provides detailed instructions on how to roll joints.  However, if you take any app and try my technique and then just sit on your couch long enough, eventually someone will roll a joint for you.

Which is a hundred times better than watching some crazy "How To Roll a Joint" video.  I'm too stoned for that.

[via Gizmodo]

Better Book Titles realizes you hate reading books.  That's why the site takes well-known pieces of literature and replaces the title with an explanation of the story.  That way you can read the title and be done with the thing.

Every day this week the site is tackling Christmas classic from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol to Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

And the site makes a good point: Why the hell do those Whos cut the Grinch so much slack at the end?  He gave back what he stole and suddenly he's the town hero??  After what he's done all of Whoville would be justified kicking that asshole right in the teeth.

I guess Whoville is located in some bullshit, liberal, blue state part of Vermont.  You steal my presents, you wouldn't be having a merry Christmas.

It happens every year: You eat way too much food and become a total fat ass during the holidays.

But it's not just you.  As Redditor soyjesus points out, according to Google Trends, searches for "weight" spike around Christmas and then steadily decline all year… every year… like clockwork.

It's a sad state of affairs really.

Why are people even bothering to search "weight"?  We all know we ate too much.  Why not search "how to get some goddman self-control for a change" or "how to shut my pie hole"?

If not that, then just search for "living with obesity."  At least then you're being honest with yourself.

[via Reddit]

"When Parents Text" is a new blog dedicated to the awesome, awkward, and confusing text messages parents send to their kids. I find it hilarious and very relatable.

In fact, just yesterday my mom I had the following text convo about my little brother's arm. (He had been tested for tuberculosis.)

Mom: look at chases left firearm to see if there is a rash let me know

Me: We already looked. He's fine. But he does have an alarming amount of earwax that probably needs to be taken care of

Mom: Saving up to make some candy

Yeah, I can't make that shit up.

[When Parents Text]

If you're in the mood for a completely, utterly NOT SAFE FOR WORK Christmas Carol, then click here.

And trust me, people not at work/owners of headphones, you're in the mood.

The best part about this for me is not the horribly offensive lyrics or Majela ZeZe Diamond's sweet dance moves. It's the link below the video:

Ha! The beauty's in the details, people.

[via Dlisted]