Lists

Traveling sucks.

Have you ever been to another state besides your own?

They have different restaurant chains, different grocery stores and a lot of them have strange minor league baseball teams with bizarre mascots you're best to stay away from.

That's why I was glad to stumble upon this list on elistmania.com: It has pictures of the welcome signs for every state in the union.

Now you can see what it would be like to go to other states without actually going there.  'Cause let's be honest, half the states in this country no one would ever want to actually go to.

I provided an example above: Mississippi.

[via TDW]

A lot of lists on the web are basically piles of vomit.  But here's a list that can help you create piles of vomit: Urlesque compiled a bunch of videos that show "31 Ways to Open a Beer Bottle Without a Bottle Opener."

Some are pretty practical, like how to open a beer with a CD or a sheet of paper.

And some are not so practical like the one above.

I have my own trick for getting by without a bottle opener: I refuse to drink anything but Coors Light Cold Activated Cans.  That's how I always know when my beer is ice cold.

Which is obviously the way beer is intended to be drank.

To celebrate the opening of Killers this weekend I compiled a list of the top 10 big-budget romantic comedies that bombed in the past five years. As awful as these films were, they still made it to the box office. But that's just because America is continually tricked into seeing movies that star Ashton Kutcher and/or Katherine Heigl.

Starting us off right is…

1. Killers: I don't need to see it to know it belongs on the list.

See the rest of the bomb-coms after the jump.

Read more »

One of the top topics on Reddit right now is the conversation seen above: "Since there are about 20 websites that can generate fake Facebook conversation/status updates, can we stop upvoting them to the front page?"

No.  No, we can't.  Just because something is "fake" doesn't mean it's not awesome!

You know what else is fake.  Hollywood.  And I live for Hollywood.  Television isn't real.  Movies aren't real.  Avatar was certainly not "real" at all.

Would you make the argument that just because John McClane isn't a real person they should stop making Die Hard movies?  That just because there are about 20 screenwriters who can think of ridiculous ways for everyman police officer John McClane to find himself at the center of international terrorist plots for no good reason whatsoever, they should stop creating movies that kick so much ass??

Hell no!  I'll upvote fake crap over real crap every day of the week!

This past weekend, I spent a good three hours playing Mega Man 10, and I'm about to turn 31 years old.  Downvote!  That's real life.  Real life sucks.

Ever since the infamous Epic Beard Man made his first fateful appearance on the internet, the world wide web can't get enough of him and his story. After his appearance on this week's show, I thought we should take a look back at the progression of Epic Beard Man's internet fame.

Check out the timeline after the jump! Read more »

UNDERWATER CYCLING: I like to be underwater. And I like to be on a bike. But do I want to be on a bike underwater? Absofreakinglutely not.

By riding a bike underwater, you're taking everything that's great about a bike ride (being outdoors, getting from one place to another, etc.) and everything that's great about being underwater (swimming, namely) and ruining it.

See more sports that would've made Jackie Robinson cry after the jump.

Read more »

If you guessed Theodore Roosevelt… congratulations?

For Presidents Day, Nerve.com — a website who's qualifications to rank the sexiness of presidents is, at best, highly suspect — ranked The Top 43 Sexiest U.S. Presidents.

Personally, I can't imagine anything sexier than William Howard Taft's sexy 'stache, so seeing him as the second lowest on the list immediately made me biased…

But then again, what's the point of the Internet people if can't wildly speculate on subjects that no one in the world really cares about?  Debating the sexual merits of people who have been dead for, sometimes, centuries clearly falls into this category, so I say, this Presidents Day, let the weirdos have their fun.

As long as they don't take it too far.  I'm looking in your direction, James K. Polk's grave-robber!

[via The Daily What]

Just as they were digging out of Snowmageddon, the East Coast is once again being hit by another major snowstorm.

All this snow has caused a number of people to ask, "What happened to global warming?"

In fact, TIME.com posed just that question earlier today.  Their answer:

"Brace yourselves now…. There is some evidence that climate change could in fact make such massive snowstorms more common, even as the world continues to warm."

That's right: Global warming can actually cause more snow!

I for one have decided to jump on this bandwagon immediately.  If more warmth can cause more snow, I think pretty much everything is fair game for making global warming the fall guy.  Here's other stuff I'd like to toss on global warming's blame list:

• Not having a proper job until the age of 30
• French rolling my jeans in the early 1990s
• The global economic crisis
• The Franco-Prussian War
• The lack of success of The Jay Leno Show
• Every post on this blog I wrote you didn't find funny
• This post
• The endangering of a number of species of Amazonian toads
• Speidi's book deal

See how easy it is?!  Lay blame to all of your problems on global warming.  You'll be glad you did!

Having an Internet show carries a responsibility to show you, the viewer, a sample of some of the nasty things we see on a daily basis. Here's a list of some of those things we've shown on Tosh.0.

It's up to you if you can stomach watching them again. I double dog dare you!

7. The Cyst

We've all been or are teenagers (let's be honest, I consider everyone online to be about 14 years old,) so we've all had to deal with acne. But bacne like this? I'm not quite sure I'd know what to do, let alone have the foresight to record it and slap it online. So you guys check this out and see how much you can watch. For some reason, it just keeps on going…

After the jump, see the full list of the 7 Hardest Things to Watch that We've Shown on Tosh.0! Read more »

Are you envious of all these "Best of the Decade" lists that everyone keeps coming out with as we approach 2010?  Are you disappointed that you really weren't paying attention to what was going on in any particular subject for the last 9 years, or even the last 119 months?

Do not worry!  You can create your own "Best of the Decade" list too!  Here's how in 4 easy steps:

1. Pick your topic.  Don't worry if you are far from an expert on that topic.  That's not important, as you will soon see.
2. Think of 6 things that can make your Best of the Decade list off the top of your head.  Typically, these things have happened in the past month, or, if you were really paying close attention, the past year.  Worried that your list will seem too biased towards recent events?  Don't!  Most people are just like you, and can't remember sh*t.  This is the "recent memory bias" and will keep you looking like a genius.
3. Do some really half-assed research to find 4 other examples.  As long as these four examples have happened before 2008, it'll make your list look like you've put some effort into it.  The number 4 is what I like to call the "moron's majority."  Though it is far from an "actual majority," from a moron's perspective, it'll be enough to make your list look like the majority of the items on it aren't from last week.
4. Space out your list like this: Old, recent, recent, old, recent, recent, old, recent, recent, old.  See how the careful spacing of your old examples compared to the new examples provides the illusion that your list is unbiased??  That's the "moron's majority" in action!

Congratulations!  Despite having barely any knowledge in your chosen subject matter, you have just made your own "10 Best of the Decade" list!

Easy right?!  Go make your editor proud.