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Yesterday, a Seattle woman married a 107-year-old warehouse set for demolition.

Said the bride's proud parents, "You see how batshit crazy our daughter is.  The fact that anything would marry her, even without consent, seems like a miracle to us."

Poor people and people of color were seen shaking their heads and saying, "Fuckin' white bitches."

[via Nothing To Do With Arbroath / video via KOMO]

As reported by TMZ, tonight's episode of Fear Factor was to have featured a stunt where contestants drank a "full glass of donkey semen — with a glass of urine thrown in for good measure. Contestants had to drain both glasses in order to move on to the next round."

The episode has been pulled by NBC, presumably because of protests from donkeys who were sickened at the idea of being seen on the show Fear Factor.

At the very least, NBC can say no donkeys were harmed in the filming of the episode.  The donkeys were exhausted but satisfied.

[via TMZ / I Heart Chaos]

According to Daily Mail, 17-year-old Stacey Irvine "has eaten almost nothing else apart from chicken nuggets for 15 years."

"Shocked doctors learned of her habit when [she] collapsed and was taken to hospital after struggling to breathe.  Miss Irvine, who has never eaten fruit or vegetables, had swollen veins in her tongue and was found to have anaemia….  But, despite being warned that she could die if she sticks to her nugget addiction, she still can?t resist the fast food."

Most people would probably blame the parents here.  But keep in mind, these people are of the same genetic makeup of a girl who was dumb enough to eat nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years.

Let's just chalk the whole thing up to Darwinism working its magic.

[via TDW]

You gotta feel bad for him.  Prison's not the place where you want to be known as the guy who can fit large things in his rectum.

[via IAB]

Mark Wahlberg did an interview recently with Men?s Fitness and fuck, you guys, this dude is a hero.

On being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11:

?If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn?t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ?OK, we?re going to land somewhere safely, don?t worry.??

"And then me saying 'Who wants a Wahlburger?!?'" Oh no, wait. That's not part of the quote. I actually believe Mark though. Because did you see his hair in The Lovely Bones? Only a fucking badass can pull off that cut.

Never forget Funky Bunch.

[via Videogum]

Yes, Wisconsin has the highest percentage, but South Dakota and Tennessee were so fucking hammered they forgot to even fill out the report.

[source The Daily / via The High Definite]

As reported by the Sun Sentinel:

"A man accused of drug trafficking showed up for court Friday in Fort Lauderdale sporting a jacket [seen above] that bore a cartoon-style recipe for cooking crack cocaine."

So his "I Don't Know How to Cook Crack" jacket may have been out for dry cleaning.  Whatever.

The Sentinel continues:

"Still, the jacket was open to interpretation ? at least to some. 'I took it as freedom of expression,' [the man's attorney Joshua] Rydell said. 'I didn't take it as a recipe to cook crack.'"

I hate to question an attorney, but I'm pretty sure it can be BOTH a freedom of expression AND a recipe to cook crack.  Because it's definitely a recipe to cook crack.  There's really no debate there.

Regardless, sounds like the state of Florida will be handling all his fashion decisions soon enough.

[via BuzzFeed]

Minhee Cho's order from Papa John's came with more than their signature squirts-inducing garlic sauce.

Cho tweeted at her New York City Papa John's on Friday night after being handed a receipt calling her "lady chinky eyes".

?Hey @PapaJohns just FYI my name isn?t ?lady chinky eyes'."

Cho was quickly retweeted by hundreds of people resulting in Papa John's termination of the employee and an official apology from the company.

I'm waiting on Papa John's new ad campaign where they read her tweet aloud and then show their racist employees attempting to be less racist. "Oh yes we did… call her chinky eyes."

[via HuffPo]

Luckily the victim knew that Beyonce was "super preggers" or he might not still be alive today.

[story at Fox 8 Cleveland / via BuzzFeed]

If you've just deplaned in the town where you grew up and are wondering how you'll ever get through a week in a place where Applebee's is considered a nice dinner then you should try "Callin' Oates". Dial 719-26-OATES and Daryl and John will cheer you right up!

The Emergency Hall and Oates Hotline options are as follows:

Press 1 to hear One on One
Press 2 to hear Rich Girl
Press 3 to hear Maneater
Press 4 to hear Private Eyes

Let's not pretend like you're not going to spend the whole trip on your phone anyway.

[via Gizmodo]