I didn't watch the VMAs, primarily because I am old. I spent last night listening to The Doobie Brothers' 1975 classic Stampede which is all the music a person needs in his lifetime.
However, the MTV Video Music Awards are popular on Twitter and Tumblr and everywhere else Beliebers dwell, so I thought I'd look over The Daily What's summary of the event and give you my summary of his summary…
Beyoncé is pregnant. That seems like the only noteworthy thing from last night.
Jay-Z is 41 and it will be his first child. This makes Jay-Z "the David Letterman of rappers."
He's got 99 problems but unplanned pregnancies ain't one.
Shrug. That's all I got. Thanks to The Daily What for watching the VMAs so I didn't have to. If I missed anything else, just fill me in in the comments which I don't read.