news

Except in Iowa they just call it "lunch."

[via The Daily What]

This article is on Fox News. And it is racist.

I forgot how this game works. Was I supposed to wait until the end to ask you guys? It's fine, I'm sure you'll agree.

So Obama had a 50th birthday party last night that was attended by celebs including Jay-Z, Chris Rock, Charles Barkley, Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, and Gayle King. OMG. SOME OF THEM ARE BLACK PEOPLE.

And there was a DJ there that played Motown, ?70s and ?80s R&B, and hip-hop. BLACK MUSIC.

And you know what they ate? Barbecue chicken, ribs, hamburgers, hot dogs, pasta, and salad. BLACK PEOPLE LIKE BBQ FOOD.

Fox News Writer: So what should we call this birthday party that our black president had?

Fox News Editor: How about "Hip-Hop BBQ"?

Fox News Writer: Good one. 'Cause he's black.

Whoa.  You were "horrified"?

Maybe you should spend less time thinking about yourself and more time thinking about showing courtesy to others.  Or maybe you should spend a lot more time thinking about yourself and realize you look ridiculous walking around like that in public.  The differences between self-confidence and dignity can be subtle, but they exist.

However the story ends on a happy note: She says she'll "never shop at Walmart again."  That's one terrible Walmart customer down, millions to go.

By the way, Molly Blancett, you can wear that black bikini top in my Walmart any day.  Rawr.

[via Dlisted]

I am sad to report that, at approximately 1pm yesterday afternoon, an innocent American citizen, known at this time only as @wiggsd, was RickRoll'd by the U.S. Government.

In response to a tweet from Mr. @wiggsd regarding a briefing not being "nearly as entertaining as yesterday's," the official White House Twitter account fired back with an unprovoked RickRoll.  (Tweet seen above.  Yes, that tinyurl leads to the RickRoll in question.)

First they RickRoll'd @wiggsd,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't on Twitter.

Then they RickRoll'd the people on Google+,
and I didn't speak out because I hadn't been invited to Google+ yet.

Then they RickRoll'd me
and there was no one left to RickRoll.

But there is good news…  The government has finally reached an agreement on the debt crisis.

[via The Daily What]

According to The Hollywood Reporter, TNT has renewed Franklin and Bash for a second season!

YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Now seems like a good time to revisit this 20 Seconds on the Clock.

Northeast residents are encouraged not to leave their homes unless they plan on cooking pasta, want to brew a cup of tea or understand the difference between Fahrenheit and Celsius.

"I had to move all my outdoor fish tanks indoors to keep them from turning into fish sticks," said a woman whose existence is almost as believable as this article's.

The Associated Press actually ran this article on Friday.  The screengrab above is as seen on Yahoo! news.

[via BuzzFeed]

Okay, now wanna see a foot?

It's a foot nipple, you guys!

The Online Dermatology Journal wrote a paper about "Pseudomamma on the foot" which is "an unusual presentation of supernumerary breast tissue" that showed up on the bottom of a lady's foot. IT'S A FOOT NIPPLE. YOU GUYS.

And you thought getting your feet rubbed felt good.

[via Gawker]

According to Mashable, "The final game, between USA and Japan, set the new all-time high [tweeting record] with 7,196 per second at the end of the game."

As a point of reference, that record was nearly double the amount of tweets coming in during the Super Bowl which tallied a mere 4,064 tps.

Thus proving my theory, not only are women nearly twice as chatty as men, they're also willing to talk about the boringest shit.

Also interesting:

"The previous record was set just as New Year?s Day began this year in Japan ? with 6,939 tweets per second. The Women?s World Cup Final also far outpaces the Men?s World Cup 2010?s most-tweeted match: 3,283 tweets were sent per second when Japan beat Denmark. It?s certainly curious that all of these top-tweeting moments occurred around Japan."

Not curious at all, Mashable.  It just proves my second theory: the Japanese love technology!  I'm going to try to set a new tweeting record by releasing my movie, Godzilla vs. Hello Kitty.

I think the answer you're searching for is 'duh'.

And you thought it was bad that time the hairdresser cut your sideburns too short! Next time you're whining about anything just remember, you could be in Russia.

But if you had to guess which Casey Anthony was more likely to be a murderer, you'd totally guess this guy… amirite!?

Because he's FROM PHILADELPHIA… AMIRITE?!?!

See, I can make that joke because I'm from Philadelphia so I know a lot of people who are murderers.

[via The Daily What]