Tosh.0 Blog » Pics

Crimson Tide

Matt Koff — Fri, 17 May 2013 21:00:38 +0000

The beach is fun. Period.

[via Acid Cow]

I'll Be Honest, He's Not Aging Well

Sam Jarvis — Fri, 17 May 2013 20:00:22 +0000

He's had the soul patch since he was 9.

[via Izismile]

10 Great Gifts For Me (Or Your Favorite Alcoholic)

Matt Koff — Fri, 17 May 2013 19:00:36 +0000

Hey guys, it's May 17th. You know what that means: only 11 more months to my birthday. But what to get for the man who has everything, and by "everything" I mean a drinking problem?

I've helped you out and compiled 10 slosh-tastic gift ideas for either me or the special sauce-hound in your life. Ideas like the stealthy "Wallet Flask" (above), or perhaps something a bit more traditional, like the "Booze Belt" (below).

Click below for more alcohol-themed gifts, ya lush.

"Self-Breathalyzer Test." The best way to figure out if you're too drunk to operate a vehicle, and then do it anyway.

"Red, White, And Boozed" Hat. When you hate Ruskies almost as much as you love Brewskies.

Catheter: Need to pee, but don't want to leave the bar? BOOM: Problem solved.

4-Bottle Dispenser: The worst part about pouring a drink? All that heavy lifting!

Fish Bowl Cocktail Glass: The hardest part is admitting you have a Fish Bowl Cocktail Glass.

Jager Clock: "What time is it? Time for more Jager!"-the divorced man who invented this clock.

Tommy Gun Glass: "Hey buddy, go kill yourself. (With a delicious IPA.)"

"Barack And Michelle Shotglass." You'll never know a love half this pure. Do a shot!

I'll Give You One Guess How I Lost This Baby

Matt Koff — Fri, 17 May 2013 17:00:08 +0000

"…Bingo. Woodworking accident."

[via The Chive]

'Over There Seems Like A Great Burying Spot'

Matt Koff — Fri, 17 May 2013 15:00:25 +0000

Terrible. Everyone knows you're supposed to hold them by their hair.

[via Izismile]

Thanks For Understanding, Pawn Shop Window

Matt Koff — Thu, 16 May 2013 21:00:50 +0000

All day long? Is your baby daddy Scrooge McDuck?

[via The Chive]

Bathing Suits Can Be So Expensive

Sam Jarvis — Thu, 16 May 2013 20:00:55 +0000

This one was free with the purchase of some milk!

[via Acid Cow]

No, My Torso Is Actually This Long

Matt Koff — Thu, 16 May 2013 19:00:05 +0000

This guy is either super cool or he just enjoys peeing on KitKats.

[via Acid Cow]

Nipple Rings Are So Versatile

Sam Jarvis — Thu, 16 May 2013 18:00:47 +0000

If a message in a bottle washes up on shore, he wants to be able to read it.

[via World Wide Interweb]

Yeah, Keep On Walkin', Everyone!

Matt Koff — Thu, 16 May 2013 17:00:14 +0000

Remember what happened with the footstool? I WON'T BE BURNED AGAIN.

[via Break]

Tell Me More About Yourself

Sam Jarvis — Thu, 16 May 2013 16:00:08 +0000

…And long walks on the beach.

[via The Chive]

Oh Good, I Was Worried Not Everything Was A Taco Yet

Matt Koff — Wed, 15 May 2013 21:00:14 +0000

"Or, for 50 cents extra, we will punch you in the left ventricle."

[via Izismile]

Hey Death: Lick My Emphysema-Flavored Cooch

Matt Koff — Wed, 15 May 2013 20:00:55 +0000

What's awkward is she's only 50.

[via The Chive]

Being A Janitor Seems Stressful

Matt Koff — Wed, 15 May 2013 19:00:10 +0000

"These guys are like my testicles. (Only one of them actually works.)"

[via Break]

Cholafied Is Probably The Best Tumblr Ever

Sam Jarvis — Wed, 15 May 2013 18:00:16 +0000

No editing required for Amanda Bynes!

[via Cholafied]

Hey Fido, How's The Job Market Looking?

Matt Koff — Wed, 15 May 2013 17:00:48 +0000

Jokes aside, that dog's shitting asshole is really proud of you, honey.

[via Acid Cow]

I Think This Pretty Much Sums Up Catholicism

Matt Koff — Tue, 14 May 2013 22:00:41 +0000

Johnny, show me on the crucifix where he touched you.

[via Izismile]

Hurry Up, The Bus Is Almost Here

Matt Koff — Tue, 14 May 2013 21:00:34 +0000

"My name's Kathryn by the way."

[via Uber Humor]

I Wanna Bite Her Nails

Sam Jarvis — Tue, 14 May 2013 20:00:07 +0000

She's a disgusting human but she gives an EXCELLENT back scratch.

[via No Way Girl]

Her Style Is Just So FRESH

Sam Jarvis — Tue, 14 May 2013 19:00:23 +0000

Kind of embarrassing that her mom still packs her jacket.

[via Break]

That's A Little Aggressive, Church Sign

Sam Jarvis — Tue, 14 May 2013 18:00:01 +0000

Also: Thank her for aborting the other ones when she was in high school.

[via Izismile]

I Can't Wait To See Joe's Sh*t-Eating Grin

Matt Koff — Tue, 14 May 2013 17:00:23 +0000

This makes more sense when you realize Joe is a fly.

[via Izismile]

Peekaboo

Matt Koff — Tue, 14 May 2013 15:00:50 +0000

So THAT'S how Asians are born.

[via Break]

Made From The Best Stuff On Earth

Sam Jarvis — Tue, 14 May 2013 14:00:35 +0000

Tastes like pregnant Kim Kardashian on a hot summer day!

[via Fail Nation]

If There's No Carbs It's Good For You, Right?

Matt Koff — Mon, 13 May 2013 22:00:42 +0000

Hey, how's your Doritos Locos Taco? (Pussy.)

[via Imgur]