products

And by "dessert" I mean "lunch". Because why would you need to eat anything else ever when the Bacon Shake exists? You've got your milk, your fruit, and your protein all in one cup.

You're not even reading this anymore. Utah! Get me two!

[Eater via BWE]

Do you love Twilight? What about Vampire Diaries? Do you have a heavy flow? Perfect! Then boy do I have the reusable feminine napkin for you!

From Etsy:

An extra long version of the Goddess pad, measuring at a whopping 16 inches long it's surely to be the only pad you'll need for your heaviest overnight flows or after childbirth. This listing is for one XL Goddess Pad in the "Sexy Vampire" print.

You'll never meet a real vampire wearing that clunky thing! Get a tampon, you weirdo!

[Etsy via Dangerous Minds]

Created for the Cupcake Project, the "Buffalo Chicken Super Bowl Cupcake" is real and not a joke.

They have "hot sauce and blue cheese in the cake and a blue cheese buttercream frosting" and supposedly they taste amazing.  Yes, that's a real chicken wing on top.

They're also guaranteed to get you back up to your high school offensive lineman weight.  Which is what the Super Bowl is all about really.

I know the Tosh.0 Blog ain't Martha Stewart Living, but if you want the recipe, it's here.  Find yourself a girlfriend and tell her to get baking.

[via Neatorama]

Yes, this is a Fleshlight-holding iPad case.  And no, sorry, it isn't a real thing.  According to the article, it's just a "concept mockup."

I guess the guy who came up with the concept hasn't gone through with getting it made.  He's probably busy with other things.  I WONDER WHAT THOSE OTHER THINGS COULD BE??

[via Geekosystem]

Stephenie Meyer used these to write the Twilight books.

[via Izismile]

Because your lap is too busy holding your fat rolls.

[via The Chive]

L'asso — a pizza restaurant in NYC — has released a 2012 calender called "Pizza Is My Lover" featuring their pies posed as sexy "pizza pinups."

But let me be the first to remind all of you pervs out there that this is a joke, okay.  We don't need any "American Pie-like" incidents.

Because the mixture of anchovies and tomato sauce will reek havoc on your balls.  That's a medical fact.  Don't make that mistake again.

[via The Daily What]

A company has created a Facebook app called "if i die" — "the first Facebook application that enables you to create a video or a text message that will be published after you die."

As if I won't have enough to regret on my deathbed, now I'll worry someone's going to activate that video I forgot I recorded way back in 2012 and my final words will be "Hopefully by the time you watch this NBC has brought back 'Community.'"

Luckily, by the time I plan on dying, no one will be using Facebook anymore — sometime around 2014.

[via Nerve]

It's the perfect gift for your nagging boss, your mother-in-law, and your future ex-wife!

Get yours today!

[ThinkGeek]

Open wide, Santa.  I'm about to send something pretty nasty down your chimney.

[via Reddit]