abstinence

That's why you're here reading the Tosh.0 blog.  Tryin' to stay abstinent.

Otherwise you'd definitely be having sex right now.

You don't have to try to convince us.

[via The Clearly Dope]

Taking stuffed animals on a date is a great way to stay a virgin whether you want to or not.

But it's especially effective if your stuffed animals sound like they drive a windowless van.

[via BuzzFeed]

In this abstinence education video from the '80s, some NBA players and Barry Sanders warn teens about the dangers of sex.

This video is not a joke even though most of what they say sounds like that awesome line from the movie Mean Girls:

"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it. Okay, promise?" -Coach Carr

Such a good movie. Anyway, save yourself from "pregnancy, pain, and even death" and just watch their slammin' music video already.

[via Found Footage Fest]

Name two people who should never star in an abstinence PSA. Ready….go!

If you named The Situation and Bristol Palin, then you are correct.

OK, here's another. Name two people who are really terribly, horribly bad at acting. Ready…go!

If you said The Situation and "B. Palin", you're right again.

I'll also accept the name of any cast member of "Hellcats" for those of you who didn't catch on to the game. As well as Keanu Reeves and Chris Klein, obviously.

Anyway, THIS IS BAD.

[via MTV]

To promote his run for mayor of Wasilla, Levi Johnston appeared on The Last Word where Lawrence O'Donnell asked him the same questions Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin way back when.

My favorite part of the interview came when O'Donnell asked Levi his stance on the morning-after pill: "That's a girl's decision. Same with abstinence. I don't believe in abstinence. I feel like if you're having unprotected sex, you get the girl pregnant, you should have the baby."

Ah, yes. The ol' abortion/abstinence mix up. I do the same thing with the words condoms and condiments. Turns out you can only get one of them in the McDonald's drive-thru.

(Condoms.)

[via Mediaite]

Lady Gaga is in England promoting MAC's Viva Glam Campaign to fight AIDS and she's apparently shocking even herself with her message of celibacy, "I can't believe I'm saying this ? don't have sex," Gaga said. "It's okay not to have sex, it's okay to get to know people."

She sounds torn. Usually when people give speeches advocating something they're pretty settled on the issue. And they can believe the words coming out of their own mouths.

"It's not really cool anymore to have sex all the time," the 24 year old pop star said. "It's cooler to be strong and independent."

Gaga went on to say that she is celibate and celibacy is "fine". Man, she is really selling the no sex thing.

Well if it's "fine" and "okay" and the alternative is "not really cool" then I guess I'll look into it.

You know what else is fine? Rice milk. It's okay. I mean, I prefer the real thing but it's not terrible.

Celibacy, meh.

[via People]