Academy Awards

In Hollywood, "diversity" means "including a British guy".

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Mark Toitia.

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Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

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And look, folks. There's no chance of a completely uncut spoiler alert because that would be five hours long, and… ain't nobody got time for that.

Here are all of the clips from tonight's episode that are available on our site:

• This week Daniel did an Oscars Spoiler Alert (above)
• A guy failed at releasing an animal
• We put 20 seconds on the clock for some vagina strumming
• A woman used a car wash to clean her behind in this week's Video Breakdown
• And Daniel did a web chat with a bedroom weightlifter.

Leave it up to those sexual deviant liberals in Hollywood to push their pro-bestiality agenda!

Fun Hollywood fact: The reason the lion was roaring in the original MGM logo was because Clark Gable was having sex with it.

[via Sofa Pizza]

The Oscars happened last night.

Host James Franco was either high or very bored because he barely showed up for the job. But who can blame him? Awards ceremonies are a snore. Even last night's show which aimed to be hip and appealing to younger audiences.

There was one moment of greatness, however. And that was the Gregory Brothers' auto-tuned mashup of this year's unintentional musicals. Besides that, bleh.

They're going to have to do better than a distracted James Franco to capture our attention for that long.

Daniel Tosh for host of the 84th Academy Awards, anyone?

[via Gigaom]

I was too high to watch the Oscars.  James Franco was too high to host the Oscars.

Unfortunately, only one of us got a photo op with Oprah out of the deal.  (That's from James Franco's Twitter.  Yes, he was tweeting during the Oscars — and looking very high while doing it.)

Gawker did a great job handpicking some quotes from Oscar reviews alluding to Franco's accused state:

"Heavy-lidded and smirky" (The Washington Post); "A tad bewildered" (Moviefone); "Mellow" (Entertainment Weekly); "Distant [and] uninterested" (The Hollywood Reporter); "Distracted" (Los Angeles Times); "Bored" (BBC); "[In] a haze" (Time); "Preparing for a remake of Dazed and Confused" (USA Today).

To be fair — "bored," "uninterested," "distracted" — he was at The Oscars, the most boring 4-hour-plus event on television.  Why would I wait the length of a movie to see an award being given to a movie I didn't see?

That's exactly why I didn't watch them.  Still, from what I've heard, putting the always loopy Franco next to the super-straight edge Anne Hathaway made for an interesting pairing.

Next year's hosts: Dakota Fanning and Charlie Sheen on mushrooms!

That should… do… something…  [shrug]

I haven't seen anybody get this excited about anything since Cup Stacking Girl.

If he's not her agent, brother, or best friend, I'm worried about him.

If he is her agent, brother, or best friend, I'm worried about her. That's some crazy stalker shit right there.

"I'm so happy she won. That would have been really awkward," he says. Would it? Would it have been awkward? Well thank goodness she won because we wouldn't want things to get awkward.

BTW, you have a tear stain on your I Love Sandra Bullock t-shirt.

[via PopEater]

The Academy Awards were last night and a lot of people won a lot of awards for a lot of things. Seriously, a lot happened. I was sitting on a wooden chair (why?) and my tail bone is now bruised. The show was loooong.

If you missed it, this video will literally break down every Academy Award-winning movie from this year and years past. From here on out, you won't need to actually see any of the year's movies to know which will win.

Brilliant! I love the idea of literally explaining something as it's happening. Clever last sentence that serves as an example of what I just said I liked.

[via Gawker]

Sandra Bullock has achieved a milestone.

After accepting the award for Best Actress at last night's Academy Awards for her performance in The Blind Side, she became the first person ever to win both an Oscar and a Razzie in the same year.

Seen above is Bullock's acceptance speech at the Golden Raspberry Awards just a few days earlier.  The Razzies acknowledge the worst performances of the year, and she took home this year's Worst Actress award for her turn in All About Steve.

I've never been particularly fond of Sandra Bullock, but in accepting both her Oscar and her Razzie, something has become abundantly clear…

Bitch loves money.  And God bless her for it.

Sandra Bullock is a 45-year-old woman.  How many movies are made each year in Hollywood?  Maybe a few hundred?  Now, how many of those movies feature a lead actress who is 45 years old?  Now, of those movies, how many people are willing to pay Sandra Bullock's ridiculously high price tag just so they can have the benefit of saying they have a movie starring Sandra Bullock??

When someone comes knocking on your door with a multi-million dollar check to do something even you are surprised you're still being paid to do, you just keep taking those checks until your luck runs out and let the chips fall where they may.  Who cares about what check comes from where?  If you do enough flicks, a few of them are bound to be decent.

Who gives a crap about the critics anyway?  How many of them have an estimated fortune of $85 million?  Hell, how many of them no longer rent a room from their parents?

[via The Daily What]

I usually don't mess around with web cartoons, but the above Savage Chickens single-panel really hit home for me.

The Oscars are a classic Ponzi scheme!

In the first ever Academy Awards, there were 2 nominees for best actor, creating one winner and one loser.  The next year, there were 5 nominees, creating a second winner but now 5 total losers.

Almost every year since, 4 more losers have been added into the pool of "deserving losers."  Yes, many of those losers have since died or stopped acting, but the number of deserving losers still far outnumbers the number of new talent!

Look at this year for example: Of the 5 nominees for best actor, 3 of them have been nominated before.  Think of all the new, fresh-faced actors paying into this system just so those who have already been nominated can get renominated and finally have a chance to win!

It's a fraud, I tell you!  A fraud!  When will the bubble burst?!

[via The Daily What]