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First question about your lost loved one: how awesome do I look in this tux?

[via eehouls]

Tell ya what: throw in a couple Capri-Suns and you've got yourselves a deal.

[via Izismile]

If you'd prefer to ride in an $800,000 vehicle, might I recommend "Garbage Man."

[via Acid Cow]

This is actually a happy meal toy under a microscope.

[via The Chive]

I'd tell her to get her teeth cleaned every six months but I think I know what she'd say.

Also, this bitch has parlayed one moment of pure gold into a real estate commercial, a Web Redemption, and now this. Oh and Beyonce quoted her after the Super Bowl NO BIG DEAL.

[via Videogum]

"I don't care how long you're standing outside your apartment but if you've exposed the inside of my avocado to air- TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE."

I mean, that's what I assume he wrote back.

[via Reddit]

Fun Fact: "General Tso" is actually an 80s hair band.

[via Izismile]

Girls are always putting their necklaces in their mouths anyway.

[via Fail Blog]

Tuck your knees into your chest in our boot cut stretchy dark wash denim (now only $39.99), and get ready to be fisted by a guy in a stylish cropped jean jacket ($49.99)!

[via Failblog]

This has been my post-workout power move for years.

[via The Clearly Dope]