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I didn't realize that was an acceptable way to advertise yourself. I'll have to snazz up my Match.com profile with something like: Similar to Mila Kunis.

(We both have brown hair and arms and we've either seen or starred in the movie Black Swan.)

[via EatLiver]

Empire State Gold Buyers know about gold.

So they must know that this commercial is PURE GOLD.

If you melted this commercial down, you could exchange it for wads of cash. It's ten times better than any million dollar ad that played during the Super Bowl.

Sure, the Darth Vader VW kid is cute. But the monotone singing grandma who can't get anything right? She's Madison Avenue gold!

[via BWE]

"Never Say Never" Marketing Department Meeting:

MARKETER #1: What's our target market?

MARKETER #2: Twelve year-old girls.

MARKETER #1: And what do twelve year-old girls like besides Justin Bieber?

MARKETER #2: The Jersey Shore?

MARKETER #1: What? No. The correct answer is iceskating. They don't even know what the Jersey Shore is.

MARKETER #2: Oh. Because I have The Situation's agent on the phone and he'll do it. He'll do anything.

MARKETER #1: Fine. Book him. I'm going to lunch.

[via Gawker]

Craigslist is so impersonal.  Sometimes nothing works better than a good ol' fashioned handwritten sign where you misspell the name of the band you are the hottest tribute band of.

Though frankly, if you are a one-armed drummer living in the Dallas, Texas area with enough free time on your hands to play in a Def Leppard tribute band, I hope to god you are on dope.  Seriously, for your own good.

[via Skull Swap]

Do you have a vagina? Yes?! Then you know how tough that makes you!

Tough enough to win civil lawsuits.

Unfortunately, I don't need a car accident lawyer at this time. But I do like being marketed to! And I like to support my fellow vaginas.

So I'll take the pastel quilt.

[via WarmingGlow]

Before you ask, no, they're not looking for any TAs.

[via failblog]

Apparently it's not that cold in his sector of the North Pole…

[via CollegeHumor]

You're Kevin Bacon.

There is a game called The [Your First Name, Your Last Name] Game. It ranks somewhere in between roadhead and arguing as every couple's favorite way to pass time on road trips.

When you're that popular, it's hard not to be in love with yourself.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that Kevin Bacon's biggest fan would be Kevin Bacon. Real cute, Kevin Bacon.

But how are we supposed to play the game if you're in a commercial with yourself?!

[via BWE]

There are 8 days left to bid on the snow-covered surprise car for sale on eBay. It's a gamble but the seller promises satisfaction:

We believe you, sir. The all-caps Comic Sans shows us you mean business!!!

Man, remember when you used to have to look in the paper for a used car then you had to go and snow it up yourself? The Internet has changed everything.

[via reddit]

"They deserve it." -Asteroid on its way to Earth

[via EatLiver]