arrested

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• The best Lion King rap ever. Rafiki be smokin' that weed and shit.
• A Bad Lip Reading of The Walking Dead. Zombies say the darnest things!
• A hot teacher was banging a 10th grader and got caught because she acted like a 10th grader
• Here's footage of Reese Witherspoon's arrest. 'Murica.
• This little boy fighting a couch is pure gold. That'll teach it not to eat the remote!
• Bad girls bend at the waist. Regular girls do too, if we're being anatomically correct here.
• Guy thinks he has a runny nose for a year. NOPE YOUR BRAIN'S LEAKING.
• She takes pictures with every celebrity. Also, refuses to change hairstyles.
• 25 awkward moments in handshake history. Thank god I just wink at people.
• And let's check in on Amanda Bynes. Guys she's not crazy. That's just how she works out.

[photo via Daily of the Day]

How bad can racial profiling be if you get a free tiara?

[via Izismile]

Today's lesson? Cops. Hate. Wedgies.

[via Imgur]

According to MSNBC, New Jersey mom Patricia Krentcil was "arrested after police said she brought her 5-year-old daughter into a tanning booth, causing the girl to suffer burns."

I'm assuming her defense rests on the hope that human laws do not apply to talking bronze statues such as herself.

[via The Daily What]

In his defense, who could turn down the opportunity to work in a sex shop?  You get to serve society's finest group of people: creeps.

[via Failblog / story via Daily Mail]

Our old pal Antoine Dodson was back in the news over the weekend after being arrested for marijuana possession and some other misdemeanor charges that are less exciting than marijuana possession in his hometown of Huntsville, Alabama.

According to an incident report, officers confiscated a "small bag" of marijuana.

It's nice to see the Huntsville Police out doing their job, busting people for possessing small bags of marijuana.

Hey, by the way, Huntsville Police, did you guys ever find that rapist??

You should keep looking.  He might have a small bag of marijuana on him!

[via TMZ]

I hope she gets that excited when her one friend with Internet tells her she's on the Tosh.0 blog.

Tosh.0! Tosh.0! Tosh.0!

[via I Heart Chaos]

Check out this beautiful video of The Dubai Fountain.

It must be a sight to behold as you're being hauled off to jail for taking this romantic opportunity to give your companion a peck on the cheek.

It reminds me of the Bellagio fountain.  Except that the people looking at the Bellagio fountain are usually drunk off free booze and angry they blew all their money at the Pai Gow Poker table, whereas the people looking at The Dubai Fountain are drunk off their own sense of moral superiority and angry they blew all their money building The Dubai Fountain.

[via Blame It On The Voices]

The U.K.'s Mail Online reported yesterday that "an air passenger was arrested under the Terrorism Act and held in a police cell for seven hours after joking on Twitter he would blow an airport 'sky high' if his flight was delayed."

This reinforces a very valuable lesson: Twitter is intended to let your friends know what your doing… but the government isn't your friend.  Not by a long shot.  Why do you think they charge you taxes every year?  It's because they don't like you.

But like any good enemy, the government is always tracking you online so they can exploit any possible mistakes you may make.

That's why you have to be careful what you tweet.  Because the government knows that when the terrorists do strike again, they'll certainly broadcast that information publicly to the world via Twitter.  That's how good terrorists operate.

I might get arrested for spreading this classified information online (they're watching me too, you know) but the real reason they were able to apprehend the underwear bomber is because he tweeted, "i'm not happy to see you. that IS a bomb in my pants. LOL!" before boarding the plane.