bad decisions

"I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and my terrible decisions on my neck."

[Via Ugliest Tattoos]

The pitcher for the New York Yankees, Chan Ho Park, gave an extremely descriptive interview to a reporter who was wondering why he played poorly in the first game of the season.

You know, I like this answer because no one is going to challenge it. Chan pulled the diarrhea card and there's no trump for that.

Other people who should consider using diarrhea as an excuse for poor performances/decisions include:

Ashlee Simpson for the Orange Bowl in 2005

Sarah Palin for the Russia comment

Tiger Woods for his affairs

Tom Cruise for the stunt on Oprah's couch and everything following

M. Night Shyamalan for The Happening

A-Rod for the steroids

Sandra Bullock for All About Steve

Hitler for the years 1934-1945

Also, if Lindsay Lohan told us she has had consistent bowel problems over the last six years, that would explain a lot.

While reading an article on Hitwise about Twitter, I came across this extremely interesting statistic:

"At iMedia Breakthrough, Jeff Rosenblum from Questus referenced a Harvard Business School Study finding that the median number of tweets per twitter user over the life of their twitter account is 1!"

If this fact is true, we can deduce that the majority of Twitter users either tweet only once or never even tweet at all.

That means a lot of people are probably signing up for Twitter and then thinking, Why the hell did I just sign up for Twitter?  What am I?  Some kind of jackass?

From there, the downward spiral continues: You begin questioning all your recent decisions.  Your entire decision-making process comes under fire.  How many mistakes have you made in your life?

Why did you drop out of law school?  You only had three semesters left to go?  Sure, you thought taking that sales position would be a nice change, you'd get to travel, but what's the point of travel if you're just going to Rogers, Arkansas?  That place blows.  How many times can you eat at a Steak n Shake and truly say you're enjoying your meal?

I mean, sure, the cheese fries remind you of your childhood, but your childhood wasn't even that great.  Remember how your dad used to hit you?  Yes, it was a different time, but it still didn't feel right.  You're still scarred.

And then the walls begin to close in.  You're trapped.  And everybody's looking at you — looking at you funny.

Maybe you should arm yourself.

You buy a shotgun.  You wanted it quick, so you go to a gun show.  You have to drive to the next county, but it's worth it: You get your shotgun now and there's no messy paperwork to deal with.  The plan went perfectly.

But it's the second part of the plan that's tricky: If you're going to rob the Walgreens, you're going to need the right pair of shoes.  You know there is a Footlocker at the Columbia Mall.  You can go on your lunch break.

While you're there, you decide to grab a slice of pizza.  It is your lunch break after all.

And that's when you see it, in the Sbarro, you see a woman with her cat on a leash… Yes, a cat on a leash.  Like her stupid cat is a dog or something.

Now you finally have something to tweet about!!

Dancing while driving is not the only bad decision this guy has made. The brand new truck he's about to crash is full of segways he purchased right after putting his house on the market and selling all his gold for cash.

Skip to :39, where this video gets REAL.