banks

"And when we come back, YOU ALL GET VASELINE!!!!!" -Tyra, laughing all the way to the bank.

[via Failblog]

I hate going to the bank…  The lines, the tellers, the fact that I am broke.

So I'm happy to see that earlier this month Chase Bank [not my bank] began offering an iPhone app [not my phone] that allows people to deposit checks simply by snapping a picture of the front and back of their signed checks.

Um, has Chase heard of Adobe Photoshop?  Or as I like to call it "Adobe High-School-Kids-Committing-Check-Fraud."

Plus there are other implications.  Like when you get drunk and try to cash a picture of your ass at four in the morning.  Or when you accidentally forward Chase that picture of your dong you keep on your phone "for the ladies."  Or when you have to serve 18 months probation for committing check fraud.

I have a better idea: Let's just get rid of checks all together.  We live in modern times for heck's sake.

I know it would make your grandmother's trip to the Piggly Wiggly slightly more nerve-racking, but bitch needs to get direct deposit and a check card!

This "People of Walmart" picture has been floating around the internet today and it's great — except they're not in a Walmart*! Sure it's shocking, and after seeing it you will never erase the image from your mind, but it's not in a Walmart*. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of the blog is to capture weirdos at Walmart*, not start picking on people at a bank.

Hey, if you're going to get a book deal for your tumblr blog, be thorough.

*I'm 100% sure she shops there.

Ever wonder what notes bank robbers slip to tellers when they're robbing a bank?
No?
Well that doesn't mean you won't be interested in reading them on Banknotes365.com.
CLICK THE LINK OR I'M GOING TO SHOOT.

Get it? This is my favorite one:

This is a bank robbery,
place 1 100.00 bill
on the counter
or I will shoot you.

Solid. It even has it's very own "random bank note generator" so you can write up your note and rob away!

(Don't rob banks. It's a bad idea. But it is fun to see the dumb notes they pass and see that most of them failed. Failure is hilarious!)

[link via Neatorama]

Are you a tightwad?  Maybe you should consider opening an account at Tightwad Bank, a real bank based in Kansas with two branches: A head branch in Reading, Kansas, and one recently opened location in Tightwad, Missouri.

I don't know if I trust any bank who would open a branch in Tightwad, MO for what appears to be no other reason than to change the name of their bank to Tightwad Bank.  Doesn't seem far fetched to think that once these guys figure out they can open up a branch in South America and transfer your money out of the country they'll be on the first flight to Belize.

And here's another odd conundrum: Since they are using the URL "tightwadbank.net," one would expect that "tightwadbank.com" was already taken.

Well, tightwadbank.com is registered, by, uh, Tightwad Bank.  It forwards to tightwadbank.net.

Turns out "dot com" isn't good enough for the bigwigs over at Tightwad!  Only "dot nets" for them, those arrogant bastards!

It all seems a bit fishy if you ask me.