boring

"Will this thing ever end?� She was a toddler.� This memorial has been longer than her actual life."

[via journo-fascist profiteer]

This interview went from boring to great in a matter of seconds. And that's because the news is less entertaining than a plastic bag.

Here is a list of some other things on television that could be improved by adding a plastic bag!

Every other news show, Whitney, Dancing With The Stars, Whitney,�Two Broke Girls, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-O, Hart of Dixie, Terra Nova, House, Last Man Standing, Body of Proof, Unforgettable, NCIS, NCIS: LA, Whitney,�Ringer, Glee, Biggest Loser,�Parenthood, Suburgatory, The Middle, Revenge,�Free Agents, Up All Night, Harry's Law, Grey's Anatomy, Person of Interest, The X Factor, I Hate My Teenage Daughter, Whitney, Bones, Whitney,�Once Upon A Time, Grimm, Allen Gregory, The Good Wife, Desperate Housewives, and Whitney.

I'm sure I forgot some. But what's important is that the bag makes it's way to the set of Whitney.

[via BIOTV]

I've seen one movie this year… MacGruber.

I really liked that film because it had a strong moral: Movies suck and you shouldn't waste your time seeing them.

If I wanted to sit in an uncomfortable seat and essentially stare at a wall for two hours, I would take a slightly larger dose of mushrooms than usual.� And oddly enough, that experience seems as if it wouldn't be that dissimilar from the apparent mind-blowing confusion that is Inception.

All I can take away from this crazy infographic is that in the middle is a giant area labeled "limbo" which I can only assume is where my brain would be if I was forced to sit through this movie for 2 hours and 28 minutes.

But I'm sure you all think Inception was fantastic, so maybe you can explain this graphic to me and convince me to see it?

[via The High Definite]

Facebook officially announced earlier today that the site has reached 500 million members.

In theory, that means amazingly over 7% of the world population uses Facebook on a regular basis.� In theory, communism works.� In theory, I'm a strong enough writer to not have to steal a joke from a 1994 Simpsons episode.

How did Facebook celebrate?!� They released the most… boring video… I have… ever… ugh….

Yikes, if that's how Facebook likes to celebrate such a giant milestone, I'd hate to see what their office parties are like.

In the end, I just wish Mark Zuckerberg was as good at reading cue cards as he is at creating social networks.� Maybe one of his 499,999,999 other Facebook members can teach him how to live a little, dude.

Is Richard Branson on Facebook?� Hit that guy up!

[via TechCrunch]

The Winter Olympics — the only Olympics for habitual pot smokers — went on all weekend long.� That's right: All… weekend… long….

If you're like me (and you should hope to God you're not), all you watched of it was a few brief glimpses of Ladies' Moguls Freestyle Skiing on a big screen between sets at Brooklyn Bowl waiting for Cheeseburger to start playing.� (I'm a hipster; you get the point.)

But honestly, how many of you watched any more of the Olympics than I did?� Above are the 8 people who have won medals as of writing time.� Of those eight, the only person I recognize is Bode Miller, who is best known for NOT winning medals.

I can sum up my Winter Olympic Recap in one word: BLARG.

"Blarg" being a new demonstration sport: I'm sure no one will care about it either.

Someone has gone and turned 2009 into a web-based flash game called "2009: The Game."

Unfortunately, it looks like 2009: The Game was made using 1982: The�Technology From.� That could have been cool, if the game had actually been made in 1982 and predicted the coming of Bernie Madoff.� But instead, 2009 comes across like�the year people got too lazy to make decent games.

Go give it a try if you want to end your year on a boring note!

[via BuzzFeed]

Most of us will never have the pet otter of our dreams.

The price of bribing your landlord, local police and animal rights activist girlfriend�is probably more expensive than�the money you'd spend on food.

And speaking of food, good luck finding otter kibble.� You can't just run down and buy that sh*t at the Publix (or if your raising your otter in St. Louis, the Schnucks).

So instead, you find 5 minutes of baby otter footage on the Internet and watch that.� Which is perfect.� Five minutes is about how long it takes for you to realize that getting a pet otter was a stupid idea anyway.

The otter is cute though.� So cute, in fact, that it makes that song that's playing tolerable to listen to.

[via The Daily What]

Going viral this week, television footage of what's being called the world's fastest soccer goal, officially clocked in at 2 seconds, after a player launches the ball from the halfway line directly over the snoozing goalie's head.

Like pretty much everything else in soccer, this clip is surprisingly BOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIING!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!

Look what somebody came up with! It's succeedblog.org ?- as in, the opposite of failblog.org.

They do posts like the ?hamburger success? above (which, by the way, becomes a fail the moment someone tries to eat it). They have other images and videos of positivity. You get the idea.

Problem is SucceedBlog is a blog FAIL. Success is boring!

Have you ever seen a movie or a TV show where someone just keeps on succeeding over and over? No. That would be terrible. Can you imagine Wile E. Coyote feasting on roadrunner carcass after roadrunner carcass? No one wants to see that. The only time a race is exciting is when there's at least one loser.

Our culture revels in failure. And as our blog proves, we'll continue to revel in failure as well.

[via Twitter]