cats

Keyboard Dog being played off by Keyboard Cat. Bravo, internet. I'm giving you a sitting ovation right now.

But internet, aren't you supposed to be faster than that? If you wanted to hop on the Keyboard Cat train, you're about a year too late. Sure, I'm posting this, so that'll give you about 53 more hits. But sooner than later, you're going to get lost in the shuffle of more serious internet business, like the latest FFFFU guy comic.

I appreciate your effort and understand if you've got a bad internet connection so it took you awhile to make and post this, but you're wasting your time. And mine, I might add. And just because you rarely let us down, internet, I'm going to give you a chance to redeem yourself. Let's not make this mistake again, okay little buddy? Go on, go outside and play with the rest of the web.

Let's see what you can come up with. Just stop playing the goddamn keyboard.

In Japan, a cat (seen above) has recently been appointed as "a corporate executive of the Wakayama Electric Railway Co."

The cat, known as Tama, was promoted from her former position as "stationmaster" — a position she has held for three years.

As The Mainichi Daily News reports: "This is the first time in the world for a cat to become an executive of a railroad corporation, a company official said."

WHAT?!

Am I to believe that, in the past, a cat had become an executive of some other sort of corporation.

Look, Japan.  We know you love cats.  I've seen more Maru videos than I'd like to admit.  But that doesn't mean you can go appointing them as heads of state or whatever.

Keep your cats on the Internet where they belong.

[via Nothing To Do With Arbroath]

I'm going to be spending my Christmas wondering why this is a real thing.

Think you can explain it? Tell us in the comments and have a very happy holiday!

One of the most viral videos of the past few weeks: Surprised Kitty.  After spending over a month as a video unknown, the adorable little cat with his surprised paws has blown up to the count of over 11 million views.

Here's the real surprise though: It's all a scam!  Gothamist (my #1 source for cat news) reports "the kitten's surprise-while-being-tickled is a normal postural play response," meaning this kind of move can be common for kittens.

They even go on to quote veterinarian Dr. Peter Soboroff (Wait, is he a doctor or is he a veterinarian, because he certainly can't be both!?) as saying, "That Surprised Kitty is a total jerk, ripping off the work of other kittens and calling it his own.  He's like the Milli Vanilli or Coldplay of kittens.  He's terrible.  It's all B.S.!"

Alright, I totally made that quote up.  But as evidence, Dr. Soboroff did present the video above showing a cat he had taken care of doing the same thing.

Rip-off!

[via BuzzFeed]

The Internet LOVES lists.  I'm talking a serious list problem.  Like, if the Internet suddenly stopped posting lists, there'd be web-fiends on the streets sucking dick for lists.  That's how intense it is.

I have nothing against the concept of a list, but lists often fall victim to two common flaws.

First, many lists are compiled by people who have not done enough research to warrant their list being in any way authoritative.  These lists can still be fun, but rarely live up to their ridiculous claims of being "The 10 Best Whatevers in the History of All of Time."

The other problem is I constantly see lists of sub-groups of things that I didn't even know existed.

Today's example: Epic Carnival's list of "10 of the best Ninja Cat videos of all-time."

If I saw one awesome Ninja Cat video, I would probably sh*t my pants.  But the 10 best?!?  Needless to say I was excited.

Anyway, I posted my favorite of the group above (which we may have already posted on the Tosh.0 blog — I can't even keep track anymore).  You can check out the rest and decide for yourself whether Ninja Cat videos really are a "thing" or whether we can toss this list into the desperate pile.

I'm thinking the latter.

[via Urlesque]

If you just watched the video above, you're probably thinking, Why would he show us that?  What is wrong with this man??

I want you to feel my pain: the pain of constantly being given false hope.  People say they have a video of a "Talking Kitty!" only to provide you with a piece of video "entertainment" so despicable, it drives you to wonder if society deserves to continue on any longer.

It's a cold, dire place, this Internet — this thing that supposedly gives us hope, but constantly lets us down; this electronic monster that continues to eat at our brain like some blood-thirsty zombie.

You think I'm being too harsh?  You think I should let the Internet be??  Why don't you ask Talking Kitty what he thinks, huh?

Then maybe you'll think twice.  Then maybe you'll know what I've seen out here.

[via Urlesque]

We don't normally have a pic of the day, but this kid squeezing the hell out of a kitten is hilarious. Plus, it was posted by Trig Palin over there on Buzzfeed. That Palin family is talented!

When I was growing up, my little brother climbed into the hamster cage and squeezed our hamsters to death. If I had a picture of that, I'd throw it up on the internet too. So, I don't blame this fat kid's mom. One cute thing squeezing another cute thing to death makes me want to squeeze them both to death. Cute overload!

Who needs cash for gold when you've got CATS for gold?

This fake site is perfect for my Great Aunt Pattie — if she knew how to use the Internet. Why be an eccentric millionaire when you could be an eccentric cat lady? Gold can't ignore you and pee all over your fine linens!

You've got to bring your old relatives over to the computer at Thanksgiving and try it on them. If anything, it's worth a laugh or two.

[via reddit]

Cats are very popular on the Internet, but cats vomiting have never gotten the respect they deserve.

My cat just pulled one of these on me moments ago.  I want you to feel the love and enjoyment I received.  You're welcome.

When you've got keyboard bunny?

This nutjob woman is talking about how animals reform criminals, and then makes her bunny play the piano — which by today's standards, would infuriate every single PETA member alive. "Play like you did yesterday?"

Who's the criminal now, lady? Huh? Who!?

[via Buzzfeed]