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I love Twitter. Why? Because I never have to pick up the phone or watch the news anymore. Following Anderson Cooper keeps me informed. And following my family and friends keeps me in the loop socially. I don’t even have to go out anymore. I just read about other people’s bar stories from the night before and it’s like I’m there. Except I’m not! I’m comfortably lounging in my jammies. Victory!
As of today, my life is absolutely complete. I am now following, and vicariously living through, newlywedsontjob.
Thanks to one recently married guy’s Best Man, who rigged his bud’s bed to tweet every time he has sex, myself and 21,855 others know intimate details like the duration and intensity of the newlywed’s love making. It’s like we’re all there! Watching! And maybe even participating!
If the bed ever stops tweeting, it will mean the end of their honeymoon phase and the end of 22,000 followers’ sex lives. Come on, newlywedsontjob. Your frenzy index has been worrying us lately.
[via Huffington Post]