child

I am adopting Alana as soon as child services takes her away from her creepy-ass mother.

And then I will give her a trophy for being the ABSOLUTE BEST at everything.

[via BWE]

This kid did not have donuts. And obviously he's telling the truth.

So why aren't any of us worrying about the real issue here? Which is, what the fuck is his mom's rice and beans made of?!?

[via Videogum]

"There was no sign language interpreter but it didn't matter. I ended up being able to hear the whole thing!" -Deaf audience member

[via The DW]

You think that's bad? You should watch them catch flies with chopsticks! Very poor dexterity.

[via Videogum]

Dear Ainsley,

Work on your penmanship a bit before you start forging my signature on your detention slips.

Love, Mom

[via The Hairpin]

The set up to her joke was tears and the punchline was silence.

YEEAAAAHHH!!!

[via Videogum]

They can be total dicks.

[via Failblog]

"I'm going to keep watering you until you grow from a cry baby into a man."

[via Reddit]

Uh, no.  I urinate on my wife or child with 100% accuracy.

[via Izismile]

Uh-uh, get outta that trash. Because that is way worse than your WHOLE BODY BEING IN THE TOILET.

[via Videogum]