christina aguilera

The Super Bowl got off to an embarrassing start last night when Christina Aguilera flubbed the fourth line of The Star-Spangled Banner.

I guess that's what we get for letting a Mexican sing it.

That's a joke.  Actually, Ms. Aguilera is half Ecuadorian.  I realize that suggesting she might be Mexican is offensive to Mexican people who'd prefer not to be associated with her.

But all kidding aside, where was Mo Cheeks??

And don't tell me he wasn't at the Super Bowl, because I saw A-Rod there, which means all of our countries' greatest athletes were there, which means Mo Cheeks had to have been there.

To summarize, we probably shouldn't entrust the lyrics of our national anthem to a woman who isn't sure if her own name is spelled with an "X" or not.

Next time, bring Daniel and his cue cards.  Or just have Natalie Gilbert do it.

Or maybe, instead of trying to perform vocal fellatio on our nation's most important song like a hooker trying to bring Uncle Sam to climax, just pay attention and sing the fucking lyrics.

At the very least, however, we can take solace in knowing that nothing Christina Aguilera did to this country could be as insulting as what Fergie and Slash did to Axl Rose.

[via The Daily What]

I just want to address this whole Christina Aguilera freaking out at somebody coughing during an interview thing upfront, okay?

You see, I met Xtina once and she was nothing but– [COUGH]

What the hell?!  Coughing during my blog post??  Really?!?

How dare you sit there and cough in the privacy of your own home or office while I ramble on emptily about some fake meeting with Christina Aguilera that never actually happened?!

I'm going to shoot you!

No, seriously.  I am going to come find you.  Honestly, you are a dead man.  I might be making a fake little laugh right now but inside I realize my career is dying and I'm going to take it out on you with a chainsaw.

But anyway… my vision… for this blog post… blah blah blah, I suck.