chuck norris

He doesn't doodle with crayons. He makes frescos with 10th grader's blood.

[via It Makes No Sense]

Alright, Chuck Norris, put down the camera and help your son into that chair.

[via Videogum]

I bet the First Assembly of Chuck Norris will have something to say about this.

[via i-a-b]

Chuck Norris doesn't watch the news. He is the news.

[via reddit]

A supporter of U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid wears Chuck Norris earrings during a campaign event in Nevada.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear jewelry, jewelry wears Chuck Norris. Etc, etc.

[via blameitonthevoices]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

Alright, we were really honored when The Hollywood Reporter recently proclaimed "Daniel Tosh > Jon Stewart (!)."

But that was before Davidson Monroe proclaimed to his 36 Twitter followers that Daniel Tosh > Chuck Norris (!).� That's pretty much the highest honor on Earth.� Especially for a comedian.

Have you seen Chuck Norris do stand-up before?� I once saw him kill a crowd at the Improv with his jokes and then go out back and kill a heckler with his bare hands!

Then, after the show, he killed all the floaters on the bar with tears in his eyes.� I think he was going through some marital issues at the time.� Sad, really….

Alright, no part of that story ever has been or ever will be true.� But that doesn't matter.� What really matters is can Daniel beat Chuck Norris in a fight?

Before you watch this preview for the cartoon Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos, let's play a game. How many times in this cartoon about Chuck Norris do you think they will say Chuck Norris's name?

It's Chuck Norris's real voice, you know. The show is starring Chuck Norris. And when something stars Chuck Norris it's important to tell people Chuck Norris is in it.

So what do you think? How many times in this one minute preview starring Chuck Norris will Chuck Norris's name be mentioned?

Whoever comes closest will get an autographed Chuck Norris headshot*!

Leave your guesses below!

*You know that was a joke, right? I only have one Chuck Norris headshot and you obviously can't have mine.

[via FFF]

What is today's top trending topic on Twitter?

Chuck Norris, of course!

And why?� Did he kick some serious ass recently or something like that?

Nope.� It's his 70th birthday.

That's right: Chuck Norris's birthday is the most discussed topic on Twitter worldwide.

Corey Haim died for Christ's sake!� And look…� Chuck Norris is so much more important I just covered up Corey's RIP with a big red arrow to point at Chuck Norris's name!� That's how kick ass Chuck Norris is!� He spits on the deaths of inferior '80s celebrities!

But seriously, 70 years old?� Can't we get over this guy?� I realize it's mostly an ironic joke, but come on.� The guy hasn't made a decent movie since ever.

Played some Beethoven for actor Paul Hogan. He said ?That?s not a sonata, THATS a sonata!? and played a song so beautiful I wept for days.

Yes, the Chuck Norris era is long gone. But at That's not a knife…, comedian David Angelo is ushering in an epoch of one-liners around Paul Hogan and this clip from Crocodile Dundee. It's easy to get a hang of the formula once you've seen a few. I decided to take a crack at it:

I told actor Paul Hogan, "This is bullshit." He said, "That?s not a bullshit, THAT?S a bullshit!" And he coaxed a bull into shitting right there on the ground.

I was drinking tea and invited Paul Hogan to join me. A killer rhino began charging toward us — which he disabled by removing its horns with his teeth. He said "That's not my cup of tea, THAT's my cup of tea!"

Give it a try in the comments. It's harder than it looks. From the site:

Told Paul Hogan about this meme. He said, "That?s not a meme, THAT?S a meme!" And he pulled out a bigger knife. And I said "No, Paul, that?s not how it works."

[via Gorilla Mask]