computers

I hear the pink one even comes with a pair of oven mitts and a dish scrubber!

My niece is gonna be so excited.

[via I Heart Chaos]

Next episode: How to use Google Calendar to track your imminent death.

[via LiveLeak]

Featuring some of the latest Twitter and Facebook comments about Tosh.0.

We are your family now, Emily.

Even computers don't listen to old people…

"Oh, you wanted to take a picture?  Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.  I was busy trying to figure out how to shut myself down just in case you actually did convince your 80-year-old wife to show me her wrinkly tits."

[via Break]

"Fuck this.  Getting to online porn is too complicated.  I'll just masturbate to the video." ? Every single person who bought this video.

Because let's be honest: If you're sleazy enough to buy a Windows 95 tutorial taught by a woman in a bikini, you're sleazy enough to fap to a Windows 95 tutorial taught by a woman in a bikini.

[via Viral Viral Videos]

Redditor kid_z renamed his wireless network to make it easy for his mom to find it.  But why stop there?  Why not make your entire desktop mom-friendly?

Now every time your mom signs into Google Talk, you'll know something is wrong with her computer.

If she thought you were a computer genius before, now she'll think you're a computer psychic.

[via Reddit]

Yesterday, the New York Post ran an exposé (pun intended!) entitled "City libraries say 'checking out' porn protected by First Amendment."

In the article, NYC Library officials repeatedly defended their stance that they will not censor what people look at on the libraries' public computers.

The Post also interviewed people on the scene:

"Library patron Daisy Nazario, 60, said she was grossed out when she discovered she was sitting next to an elderly porn watcher in the Brooklyn Central Library recently.

"The looker [blocked] the view of his screen — which was featuring a threesome at the time — 'but I could still hear the voices,' a disgusted Nazario said….

"Approached by The Post, the dirty old man skulked away, saying, 'I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone.'"

Leave me alone, indeed.

Kudos to reporter Douglas Montero for having the balls to walk up and question a man in the middle of watching pornography, possible semen splatter be damned!  And then kudos again for being professional enough to later label his interviewee a "dirty old man."

For too long, the downtrodden in our society with little if anything to live for, devoid of all hope and pleasure, have been able to comfortably sit and view pornography in public — as is surely their preference — without being approached by reporters.

The Library says that patrons are protected by free speech.  Well you know what, reporters have free speech too.  Meaning they have the right to talk to whoever they want, even if that person has a massive, rock-hard boner.

I hope this article opens the eyes of New York's public officials and they take steps to change these policies.  Then sad old men can go back to masturbating where they belong: on crowded subway cars.

[via The Daily What]

Tron Guy Jay Maynard is a favorite of ours here at the Tosh.0 blog.  Primarily because he's achieved fame without really doing anything other than wearing a Tron costume.

Every year, millions of people dress up in costumes and never get any recognition for their efforts.  But there's something about that Tron costume…

So I'm surprised it took so long for someone to realize that if they dressed their dog up in a Tron costume and called the thing Tron Dog, they too could bask in the niche market that is Internet Tron costume fame.

And for those of you who take the time to watch this video and ask yourself why is "Tron" Dog playing Donkey Kong and Excitebike, obviously you're missing the point that Tron Dog is inherently idiotic, and therefore, has no reason to conform to any sort of logic.  Such is the beauty of Tron costume fame: It follows a logic unto itself.

But, alas, It'll probably be a short run in the limelight for Tron Dog anyway.  Tron Cat is already on his heels.  And though Tron Hedgehog yields no image results yet, I have faith the Internet will make it happen.

Ah, screw it.  I'll just handle it:

Dear Newspaper,

You are not a computer.  There are a number of ways I can tell you are not a computer.

First, you are made of paper.  I have never seen a computer made of paper.  Some computers are becoming nearly as thin as paper, but their pliability still remains substandard compared to yours.  Newspapers win in the pliability department.  It is one of the few departments you win in.  Unless you are ripped.  Then you also lose, because no one wants a ripped newspaper (or a ripped computer for that matter).  Unfortunately, you are very easy to rip, which may pose a long-term problem.

Second, you cost a dollar.  I've never seen a computer that costs a dollar.  Well, maybe an old computer, but a working computer would never cost only one dollar.  People are willing to pay a lot of money for computers, because — unlike newspapers — computers are valuable to own.  Newspapers, on the other hand, are pretty much worthless.  Well, not worthless.  Worth one dollar.  Except on Sundays, when you are supposedly worth more.

Which brings me to… Third, a computer is never worth more on Sunday.  It is always worth more than a newspaper, but I foresee no reason why a computer's price might increase on a Sunday.

Based on these deductions proving you are not a computer, I am able to point out that I cannot click on you.  I can touch you, but that will only achieve limited results.  Results such as getting a gray blotch of ink on my finger or nothing.  Nothing is a fair result when compared to possible negative results such as, say, death.  When you hold a newspaper, you can be happy that it does not cause death.  This is one of the few results of holding a paper that can be deemed a decent result.

To conclude, Newspaper, please refrain from pretending you are a computer.  I think it is quite obvious to everyone you are not a computer.

Stop being a douche.

Regards,

Mike

[via Reddit]

Old people are so cute! They can't cross the road and they can't eat sugary foods and they can't use computers! It's adorable.

I hope to one day be old enough to not know how to use everyday technology.

Like, maybe I can call tech support when my flying car won't turn on and they'll tell me to press the big red start button. And we'll giggle about it while I figure out how to hang up. Then I'll say something offensive and everyone will let it slide because I'm old.

It's going to be so fun!

[via Today's Big Thing]