craigslist

"Had the abortion after all.  After all this shopping I did!  Ahhahahahahaha!  But seriously, I don't need these fucking clothes anymore."

[via Pleated Jeans]

I'd be totally into her but I don't like dogs.

[via I Am Bored]

Respond with the password "LOOTER4LIFE" and save an additional 10%.
Must provide proof of not being a police officer upon purchase.

[via Blame It On The Voices]

P.S. THOUGH I SHOULD MENTION THERE'S BEEN TONS OF MASTURBATION ON THIS COUCH. I GOTTA GET MY ROCKS OFF SOMEHOW. AM I RIGHT?!

[via Someecards]

It just wouldn't be Craigslist if genitals weren't involved somehow.

Turns out this is actually kind of a "thing."  There's even a name for it: "reflectoporn."

So either I am incredibly out-of-touch or YOU'RE WELCOME.

Needless to say, I immediately Googled "reflectoporn."

You can see my favorite find after the jump… [kind of NSFW]

Read more »

She seems perfect as long as you ignore the whole wanting a long term relationship part.

[via Reddit]

Yesterday afternoon, Gawker broke the story and by that evening Congressman Chris Lee (R-NY) had resigned.

Gossip site Gawker outed Rep. Lee for lying about his marital status and sending the uber-sexy topless photo seen above to a woman he found in Craigslist's personals section.  The married politician almost immediately decided to leave office citing "the harm that my actions have caused my family, my staff and my constituents."

Now, I assume that Chris is a regular reader of the Tosh.0 blog, so I'd appreciate it if the rest of you could stop reading here so I could have a minute with him myself…

Come on, dude?  Craigslist?  You know why most political sex scandals involve call girls and prostitutes?  Because you pay those people money.  And money keeps people quiet.  That's like Politics 101.  Worst case scenario, they try to blackmail you, you pay them more cash.  It's a vicious cycle, but it's a cycle you can control.

And you used your personal Gmail account??  Are you kidding me?  I use an old anonymous Hotmail account on Craigslist if I'm trying to find a used bookshelf.  You didn't realize she'd be able to Google your email address and find out who you were?  What should of given that away is that Google runs Gmail.  You know, Gmail — that thing you're using to send pictures of your congressional pecs to strangers.

And let's talk about those pecs for a second.  Sure, you're in decent shape, but a tight T-shirt wasn't good enough for you?  Or you don't have a pic of you at the beach?  I'm not a woman, but I'm pretty sure if I had to define the word "creepy" with a picture, it'd be of a middle-aged man taking a shirtless photo of himself in a mirror with his cell phone.  The flexing was a nice touch though.

But two years in Congress was a hell of a run for a guy who's this stupid.  You're like a kid who joins the Mafia and immediately starts bragging about all the crimes he commits.  Two years is a long time to not get whacked.  You should take pride in that …the same way you take pride in your body.

We'll miss you, man…

Alright, hopefully no one but former Congressman Chris Lee read that.  It got pretty real.

[via Gawker]

At first I was thinking, Oh, ha, that's a funny thing to post on Craigslist.

Then I realized, Wait, this is posted under "Missed Connections."

So suddenly I'm wondering, Did he mean "awkward" as in he wanted to join in but was too busy pooping!?

And then I was like, Where is this health club?

[via Reddit]

The feature film I Don't Know How She Does It has taken to Craigslist in search of a Pierce Brosnan look-alike that can bowl strikes on command.

In other words, they're hoping a tall, dexterous, James Bond-ish man will have somehow remained unemployed up until today and will be desperate enough to accept stand-in work on an Olivia Munn film.

The post can also be found in the "What Is Wrong With You?" forum under "Get Your Life Together, You Waste of Talent And Chiseled Good Looks".

[via videogum]

John Westwood, a 45-year-old New York bookkeeper, is offering oral sex to any qualifying woman. And he's so serious about it, he left a few handwritten notecards in women's magazines with his phone number on the back.

In case you're interested, that number is (718) 446-0424.

Westwood promised Gawker there is "nothing freaky-looking" about him.

Phew. That was my main concern.

This stranger wants to give me and every other woman aged 18 to 59 powerful orgasms? Fine. But what does he look like?