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This kitten had dreams. She was going to go back to training school. Get her life together. Starting going to the scratching post at least once a day. Only special diet food. And the good brands: Fancy Feast. None of that generic brand crap.
But then you ruined it for her. You ruined it all.
…a sad shark.
Because deep down you know you are all depressed. That's why you're here: You need laughter. One fleeting moment of happiness to cheer up your otherwise miserable lives.
But sad shark won't let you. Sad shark is effin' sad, dude.
P.S. Don't ask me any other questions about sad shark. If I knew more about what sad shark was I wouldn't be here… I'd be a respected marine biologist.
[via Julia Segal]
While reading an article on Hitwise about Twitter, I came across this extremely interesting statistic:
"At iMedia Breakthrough, Jeff Rosenblum from Questus referenced a Harvard Business School Study finding that the median number of tweets per twitter user over the life of their twitter account is 1!"
If this fact is true, we can deduce that the majority of Twitter users either tweet only once or never even tweet at all.
That means a lot of people are probably signing up for Twitter and then thinking, Why the hell did I just sign up for Twitter? What am I? Some kind of jackass?
From there, the downward spiral continues: You begin questioning all your recent decisions. Your entire decision-making process comes under fire. How many mistakes have you made in your life?
Why did you drop out of law school? You only had three semesters left to go? Sure, you thought taking that sales position would be a nice change, you'd get to travel, but what's the point of travel if you're just going to Rogers, Arkansas? That place blows. How many times can you eat at a Steak n Shake and truly say you're enjoying your meal?
I mean, sure, the cheese fries remind you of your childhood, but your childhood wasn't even that great. Remember how your dad used to hit you? Yes, it was a different time, but it still didn't feel right. You're still scarred.
And then the walls begin to close in. You're trapped. And everybody's looking at you — looking at you funny.
Maybe you should arm yourself.
You buy a shotgun. You wanted it quick, so you go to a gun show. You have to drive to the next county, but it's worth it: You get your shotgun now and there's no messy paperwork to deal with. The plan went perfectly.
But it's the second part of the plan that's tricky: If you're going to rob the Walgreens, you're going to need the right pair of shoes. You know there is a Footlocker at the Columbia Mall. You can go on your lunch break.
While you're there, you decide to grab a slice of pizza. It is your lunch break after all.
And that's when you see it, in the Sbarro, you see a woman with her cat on a leash… Yes, a cat on a leash. Like her stupid cat is a dog or something.
Now you finally have something to tweet about!!
Yesterday, Wired reported on a recent study about video game players.
"When you think of a hard-core gamer, do you picture a teenage boy battling his friends in World of Warcraft?" the article asks. Well think again, says the study:
"The average gamer is actually a 35-year-old man who is overweight, aggressive, introverted and … often depressed" (as can be seen above — a gamer pictured in his natural habitat).
So what are we to make of this?
Well, if you are a parent and you think your kid plays too many video games, relax. At least he isn't an obese 35-year-old with a death wish.
If you're a teen wasting away your youth in front of a computer screen, take a long look at your "uncle" Paul. It might be fun to battle him in Madden now, but keep in mind he doesn't live on your couch because playing video games earned him a life of riches.
And if you are a sad, overweight middle-aged man, well… Maybe you can use the Tosh.0 community to set up a game on Xbox LIVE?