dick

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Craigslist ad of the day. Which reminds me, I should schedule a bikini wax.
• Morgan Freeman fell asleep during an interview. ADORABLE.
• A classic faceplant. Yeah no your neck is totally supposed to bend that way.
• Demi Moore's boyfriend had a pearl put into his dickhole. Anything to make that vag feel young! That's what it's for, right?
• Kesha drank her own piss. It's like her tongue is a pregnancy test.
• Underboobs again! Can you ever really have enough?
• Beardvertising. If it ain't gettin' you laid, might as well make a few bucks off of it.
• Lance Armstrong likes it when people lick his butthole. Allegedly.
• Joe Francis said the jurors on his trial should be shot by a firing squad. But not really cause now he's taking it back.
• And 20 Bob Saget tweets. Don't you wish it was 500 Bob Saget tweets? He's so dirty!

[photo via Barstool]

He lost his actual dick in 'nam.

[via Barstool]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

Question: Is a chocolate sprinkled donut okay to use?

Follow-up question: What if I skipped the penis and just had a donut?

[via Transformer Ivan]

You may know me by my stage name, "Throbbing Penile-Erection."

[via KULfoto]

I've been a lifeguard at this hotel since you were swimming around your father's pool.

[via Acid Cow]

"I know there's plenty of room, but do you think I could sit on his lap anyway?"

[via Izismile]

A used bike seat is far more likely to get stolen than a used dildo.

[via The Chive]

Our sorority trip to Jizzneyland.

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Hope Swatch.

Don't like it? See other top captions by checking out the comments from Monday's post.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

"Did someone order a grande no-foam extra shaft?"

[via Break]