dorks

This is probably the first time this guy got laid.

[Via The Chive]

May you one day find the kind of love worth pointing at.

[via imns]

via CNN

Really, McDonald's? Wedding packages in Hong Kong?

Guess what, we've always had those.  This is America, dammit.

Need more proof? Fine.

More and more and more and more.

Well, I guess we all saw this coming. It's a t-shirt that counts your e-mails. And it exists because two dorks fell in love, got married, and now they have a lot of time on their hands. Obviously, they're using this time together to procreate t-shirts.

I don't think I'm smart enough to understand the appeal of this article of clothing. Yeah, a t-shirt that displays your e-mails sounds handy. Or one that reads your e-mails aloud, in case you need to hear them while driving or something.

But a t-shirt that simply displays the number of e-mails you have? Is a full inbox a source of pride among nerds these days? I don't get it.

If someone gave me a microcontroller, a conductive thread, and a dongle, I'd put it to better use. I'd thread that dongle through that lilypad until it knocked the shirt right off your back. You know I would.

[via Best Week Ever]

It's another planned sporadic Windows 7 celebration!  Wow, seems so natural and unrehearsed.  Let's look at the description by the person who "caught" this and posted it:

The Blackeyed Peas compel the employees at the Microsoft Store in Mission Viejo, California to break out in dance, let their hair down and have some fun. This is an amazing store, the employees seem really excited and engaged, almost happy to be at work. My favorite parts are when people walking in the mall come inside the store, join in the dancing and have some fun. The amazing thing is that people are in the store for hours, they love interacting with the software and learning about new technology.

Sure, sounds just as natural as your Windows 7 party video.   People really ARE excited about computer operating systems!

[via Engadget]

This site isn't totally safe for work, but that's only if you're a nerd. It's "Moan My IP!" The website that moans — you guessed it — your I.P. address. I can't think of a higher level of dork porn. It's like getting a personalized porn for your laptop! For your actual laptop.

Here's their own explanation of the site:

Finding your IP Address is essential to understanding your Online Privacy. So why not make it fun and sexy? Personal Information about you and your computer is revealed to every Web Site that you visit. This information can be linked with other information and used for things like Identity Theft and other types of Cybercrime.

Right, guys. Cybercrime is WAY sexy, and your explanation makes no sense at all! But who cares? How could you justify a moaning woman's voice reading an I.P. address anyway?

No one ever questioned the pizza delivery guy porn plot, did they? Moan away, computer lady, because someone incredibly dorky out there is actually enjoying this.

Ha. Get it? It's that paperclip from Windows '98. Helping a person install actual windows.

Listen, Microsoft, you and your users have never been funny. Your ads and promotion for Windows 7 have been awkward, Bill Gates will always be a dork, and no matter how many different colors you offer for your laptops, you'll never be cool. Sorry.

I'm a Mac user and proud of it. Even Justin Long's got you beat on this one, and he's a huge dork.

If you want to argue about it, I won't need to argue back. Because I have a visual aid to prove how dorky Microsoft is — this picture of Bill Gates:

[image via Reddit]

Be careful, watching this "Stinking Mouse Prank" video may actually make thick rimmed, taped glasses appear on your face while hiking your pants up and causing a pocket protector to mysteriously appear in your shirt pocket.

Is this what you do on weekends, you dorky nerd dweebs? Honestly, tell me! I demand to know.

If you pulled this prank on me, I'd hide in a garbage can, jump out with a scream mask on, and cause you to pee yourself while you screech like a pansy. That's a REAL prank, you dolt. Stinking mouse? This is the weakest thing I've ever seen.

Get real and get a life. At least one involving more than fuses and computers. You may think I'm being mean, but I'm saving any potential you have for a social life. It's tough nerd love. You're welcome.

[via UniqueDaily]

You may have heard of the random chat site, Omegle, that pairs you with another random internet user in a chat room to begin a random conversation.  But who would create such a web-nerd-heavy application without thinking that web nerds wouldn't take it over to constantly pwn each other while also getting material to post on dorky sites like Reddit and Digg?

Reddit's 'funny' category has been overwhelmed by 'humerous' Omegle chat interactions over the last couple days, with 'brilliant' fake chatters like this, this and this.  Dorkier still?  Two nerds trying to pwn each other.

Banana sandwich?  Lady and the Tramp!  Zing! The snarkiness is too much, internet dorks!

Take it from me: leave the bullying and trickery to the mean people at school that make fun of you.  Stick to your computers.  In the end, when you're flying into your high school reunion in a helicopter because your time spent home alone on Friday nights resulted in creating a new type of computer that made you millions, that's all that you'll need.  I promise.  Now go to sleep now, web nerd, there there.  You've had a rough day.