drunk

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

"Okay, now that we have this photo, I guess we should check his pulse."

[via Izismile]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• Happy hump day! Who doesn't love butts.
• Autotune of the Charles Ramsay interview. The magic of the internet strikes again.
• How 10 porn stars lost their virginity. Shockingly not with the loves of their lives.
• Parkour fail compilation because FALLING! Classic.
• Tiger Woods got drunk at the Met Gala, thinks his eyes look totally sober.
• A 17-year-old invents program to keep Twitter from spoiling your favorite TV shows. How smart do you feel now?
• Don't do meth. Ever.
• Thief steals FOUR laptops by hiding them under cat food. Never. Trust. Cat people.
• 17 internet dating profiles that will make you stay single. So many sword references.
• And a big girl movin' it. Everything about this makes sense to me.

[photo via The Chive]

Two things that don't mix: white cars and alcoholic friends.

[via Break]

Pretty impressive 'til you realize he's also shitting and pissing himself.

[via Acid Cow]

"By the way, whose kids are you and where am I?"

[via CokedoutFairy]

Your weekly guide to the source material used in this week's episode of Tosh.0.

• Strongman Fail (above)
• Sharing Smoke Ring
• Snow Clean
• 20 Seconds on the Clock raw clip: Eyelash Kids
• Puke on Girl
• Video Breakdown raw clip: Tantric Guy
• Web Redemption raw clip: LP Theories
• Scent of a Woman

Tuesday on an ALL NEW episode of Tosh.0, we give these tiny-minded ladies a full-sized Web Redemption.

Tune in to Tosh Tuesdays at ten!

"Cowboy boots? Honey we've got to stop letting him dress himself."

[via Izismile]

Don't worry she's not hurt- she was already dead.

[via The Chive]