ebay

If you're thinking you don't need a squirrel-cowboy riding the shit out of a rattlesnake, you are wrong, my friend.

This angle proves my point.

Plus, aren't you kinda sad that you missed out on the mummified cat slam dunking a mummified bird?

[via Blame It On The Voices]

A mummified cat slam dunking a mummified bird?! Or as I like to call it, "watching the Spurs play."

[via Picture Is Unrelated]

Wow! That does look like death! And by "death", I mean "a McDonald's chicken nugget". Let's take a closer look!

AHHH!! Get that zombie death nugget away from me!

If I wanted to see super scary corpses limping around in tattered clothes, I'd just go to McDonald's.

[eBay via Consumerist]

For just $235,000 you could own a dried piece of glue that seller Christopher Herbert describes as the 'missing piece' in any Simpsons fan's collection.

"Doh!" -You, when your girlfriend cleans your apartment and mistakes your one-of-a-kind collector's item for an old blob of Elmer's.

[via Buzzfeed]

As the seller explains:

"I have been doing research on the best ways to fart in a container and have the smell be just as potent as a fresh fart. So not to give you all my details it starts in the tub. That way I am able to capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air….  (I have tested farts up to two weeks and they are still 100% potent as the first fart.)"

This girl is such an idiot.

Think long term!  You don't want to be farting in jar after jar for the rest of your life.  But if you wrote a book on fart preservation, you could earn residuals off that one book for years to come.

Give a man a rotten fish and he smells for a day.  Teach a man to rot fish and he smells for a lifetime.

[via @JeffStevens199]

You may recognize Nicolas Cage from classic American films such as "Leaving Las Vegas", "The Ant Bully", and "The Expendables 2". You may also recognize him from this photograph, being sold on eBay, which dates back to 1870.

Yup. Nicolas Cage is an immortal vampire.

That explains why he's so bad at imitating human emotions! It's been centuries since he's felt anything. That kind of time will affect your acting.

[via IHC]

Bid now on JFK's air guitar! It comes in a box with his loyalty to Jackie.

[via Pic Is Unrelated]

Dominic the smoothie auctioneer loved your little shirt. Call her back, Ryan! Or fax, IM, page, or email. Whenever your indigestion clears up.

OK? 'O' as in oh, 'K' as in potassium? That's chemistry, Ryan. Like the kind that you two have.

[via BWE]

I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first? The bad news?

Okay.

Justin Bieber cut his hair.

I'll give you a moment to recover.

You back? Okay. Now here's the good news. Said trimmed locks are for sale.

A box of Bieber hair? Hell yeah. How early is too early for Christmas shopping?

Now head on over to eBay and make your $10,000 bid. The money will benefit an animal shelter. But let's be honest. The real winner here is YOU.

[via The Clearly Dope]

A Tom Brady jersey will cost you $79.99 at the NFL Shop. But if you settle for one that Dane Cook wrote all over, you can get it for less than $20!

And I think the going rate for a bottle of Wite-Out is only $1.79.

So all in all, that's quite a steal.

[via The DW]