etsy

…or semen-drenched snails? Either way, I'll take 6.

[via Poorly Dressed]

He's about to open an Etsy shop and blow. the. fuck. up.

[via Imgur]

Poor Pinky Pie. Her name has never meant more.

[Daily What via regretsy]

From Etsy:

This super sexy dress is made of synthetic fabric. It reveals the most attractive part of the women?s body. Fits all S to L.

Sold.

This Valentine's Day, show him you're up for anal.

[via IHC]

Do you love Twilight? What about Vampire Diaries? Do you have a heavy flow? Perfect! Then boy do I have the reusable feminine napkin for you!

From Etsy:

An extra long version of the Goddess pad, measuring at a whopping 16 inches long it's surely to be the only pad you'll need for your heaviest overnight flows or after childbirth. This listing is for one XL Goddess Pad in the "Sexy Vampire" print.

You'll never meet a real vampire wearing that clunky thing! Get a tampon, you weirdo!

[Etsy via Dangerous Minds]

I found this pair of pants for you on Etsy. So you can stop searching high and low for jeans with 46 hand sewn sperm patches. Because here they are!

Christmas came early!

(Sorry.)

[via Unique Daily]

People put their stupid dogs in stupid peacoats that cost $70 dollars then take them to restaurants and malls and treat them like humans.

It's a dog. It wants you to throw the bright yellow ball and feed it dry, crunchy food. That's it. Stop dressing it. Stop carrying it in a purse and talking to it like a baby.

Ugh, dogs. Or is it dog owners that I hate?

I mean, there's no way Mookie actually wants to be wearing that trench coat. Poor Mookie. And who named you that?!

Stupid freaking humans.

[via The DW]

You know Etsy, right? It's where hippies go to sell crafts when Burning Man isn't in session. Well, just because it's a "handmade good" doesn't mean it's actually "good." That's why there's Regretsy, a site that lives by the tag line: "Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet."

Take this "plastic guinea pig" (which costs $10), for example. You can maybe try to convince me that this product is professional quality because of the fancy zigzag stitching. But the eyes were drawn on with a Sharpie marker, which kills it for me. Oh — also — the fact that it's a pizza roll bag.

It says there's only 1 in stock, but I think there's at least 5 more in the landfill.

[via Urlesque]

.

While I was browsing the bowels of the Internet today, I stumbled upon this popular link to a ?Coffin Couch? that someone was selling on Etsy.com.� Etsy, if you're not familiar, is a website that?s equivalent to a hometown craft show, where as long as people pay for their little table, they?re able to sell whatever they?d like.�

It's like eBay, but worse because people make the items themselves. �Kind of like a garage sale, but worse because people again, made the items themselves. �There's no possible way that 99% of these sellers can be making any cash from this stuff.

For example, the guy selling the coffin couch is also selling these awesome blood chokers for $16 a pop. �Blood chokers. �This lady's selling a peacock top�for $48. �Yeah, that looks comfy and realistic. Did you need some ketchup earrings�for $4? �I don't; never will. �Sure this stuff is unique, but who needs more unique garbage? �

In fact, I'm not the only one who noticed this site/yard sale for crappy items. �There's a whole website devoted to horrible Etsy items.��So whomever ends up buying this weird coffin couch, hats off to you. �You're buying the cream of the dump.