fiction

I will forgive hot actors for a lot of things because I am blinded by my unrequited love. Like, don't get me started on the merits of Paul Walker's talent because I've had hour long debates over him. No one could have delivered Brian O'Conner's lines with such passion,�"Mia, I'm a cop."

I mean, what he did with those four simple words! Just imagine if he was given a more challenging role. P Dubs really is a gem of our generation.

Anyway! Speaking of word wizardry, actor and budding author James Franco wrote a fictional piece for Esquire and it is the most fantastic compilation of crap I have ever laid eyes on.

Despite Franco's brooding eyes and pouty lips, I'm going to have a hard time justifying this. The story is called "Just Before The Black" and I strongly advise you to drop whatever you're doing and read it right now.

I'll just share a few quotes to whet your appetite.

"Joe and I sit and stare at the wall of the building. The building is beige, but the shadows make it shadow-color."

"I guess they didn't have toilets. Just stuck their asses out and shat in the moat. But someone had to wash out the hole."

"Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan."

For the complete ketchup randomness, click here. You'll feel a lot better about your chances of getting published after you do.

And while you read, I'm going to paint my walls shadow-color. It's a shadowy beige, if you must know.

[via Videogum]

The phone rang.� I was nervous.� A bead of sweat dripped from my forehead.� Still, I reached for the phone and answered with trepidation.

My fear subsided for a moment as the operator spoke from the other end of the line.� But his voice was anything but calming.

"The gobble…" he exclaimed.� The hair on the back of my neck stood on end.� "It's coming from inside the house!!"

Nobody did anything productive for about an hour yesterday. All eyes were on the boy who floated away inside a balloon. ?Are we part of a fictitious tale?? we thought. ?Are we actually inside a Roald Dahl novel??

No. We actually were not. In fact, the boy wasn?t actually even inside the balloon.

Doesn?t that suck? Such a fanciful story so quickly became a sham. If only we could relive that hour of verisimilitude when we all believed.

Well, now you can write your own version of the balloon boy tale online with the Balloon Boy Game. You can be balloon boy.

(If you?re still crushed by the half-truths of Balloon Boy and this web game offers no solace, you might enjoy the story of this 18-year-old MacGyverinstead.)

Play the game, after the jump.

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