first

Every week we'll give you the gift of an internet classic, from the dark days pre-Tosh.0 blog.

Girls, watch out for the yawn move. Women, watch out for the push-her-head-down-while-you're-making-out-so-she'll-give-you-a-blowjob move.

[via YouTube]

Okay, Colton. I will. But only because you and I share an interest in recreational sports.

And Thomas.. patience is a virtue.

Leave your suggestion for next week's Fan Favorite video in the comments!

By a show of hands, who thinks he got into college based on his ACT score?

[via Barstool]

A surefire way to come in first. Basically you should do this before sex.

[via The Daily What]

Yes, this is it: the first ever Web Redemption from the first ever episode.

A little history lesson for you: Tosh.0 debuted on June 4th, 2009.

To put that in perspective: a still active Black Eyed Peas had the #1 song in America, the Jersey Shore was simply known as a place high school kids went to get drunk the week after they graduated, and Osama Bin Laden was relaxing comfortably in his Pakistani compound.

My, how things have changed.

Leave your suggestion for next week's Fan Favorite video in the comments!

Big presidential news being discussed on the web right now: Barack Obama has become the first president to ever be seen in public wearing flip-flops.

People who know me know I am HUGE into flip-flops.� Like problematically addicted to them.� So it's exciting to know that the leader of this great nation also likes to sport this fine footwear.

It's one small step for flip-flopped man, one giant leap for–� Oh hell…

I stepped in dog shit…� Goddamn it and it's all over my feet.� Gross.

[via The Daily What]

Daniel took the Internet?s fixation on commenting first a step farther by being ?first? in life.

If you are the first at anything, upload your videos below!

Every week we see countless comments that have absolutely nothing to do with anything. Our favorite irrelevant comment this week came from Calvin in response to the Facebook reminder to tune-in.

This irrelevant comment is very unique in its irrelevance because it is only one word. Just one, simple word that happens to be a fruit.

Well, Calvin, we can only speculate what you meant by "grape" because you didn't give us any context. Maybe you were eating a grape? Maybe you were answering the question, "Which flavor of Warheads is your favorite?" Maybe you thought we asked for fruit costume suggestions. We may never know!

Next time, Calvin, give us more. Contrary to what you may believe due to the popularity of the comments "first" and "cool", you are not limited to a one-word response.

If you have any irrelevant comments please go ahead and leave them below. We bloggers truly appreciate your cooperation.

Why is it that only children get to have lollipops at the bank?

Baby really seems to take to those Pop Rocks.� Look at his eyes widen with glee!� This is certainly the beginning of baby's demand for unique and transformative experiences.

Not long after was baby's first experimentation with marijuana.

Then baby's first mushroom trip.

Next up, baby's first dose of DMT.

Then, baby's first encounter with the self-transforming machine elves.

Followed by baby's first belief that he is Jesus reincarnated.

Then the first time it took a team of polices officers with tasers to bring baby down.

Then baby's first night drooling on the floor of a jail cell.

Followed by baby's first disillusionment with the system.

Ending with baby's first attempts to permanently go off the grid.

That's some good "experimental parenting"!

[via Today's Big Thing]

I found the image above on Topherchris's Tumblr and I'm dedicating it to all you weirdos who insist on commenting "FIRST!" on our Facebook page (often times regardless whether or not you are first).

Look!� He's the first person in the office!� And you want to know something about that…� That sucks!� Who wants to be the first person in the office?� You could be at home sleeping or drinking coffee or smoking grass.

You see, a lot of times being first sucks.� Who was the first person on the moon?� Nobody knows because nobody cares because he sucks!

So next time you're thinking about writing "FIRST!" in the comments under a post, look at this picture and look at the empty chairs and realize how you are all alone in the world and no one loves you.

LAST!