flowers

How embarrassing. Everyone knows flamenco bands prefer geraniums.

[via The Chive]

These aren't the kind of flowers that squirt when you get too close, are they?

[via Break]

Latest fashion trend: accessorize your handjobs!

[via Izismile]

By far the most elegant way to ruin your daughter's wedding.

[via Fail Blog]

Golden showers bring May flowers.

We received hundreds of comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by TJ Tarry.

Don't like it? See other top captions by checking out the comments from Monday's post.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Come back next Monday at 4pm for another edition.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

"I keep telling you, I haven't seen a bedazzled phone with flowers all over it.  You have the wrong number!  Stop calling me!"

[via yokolovesdiru]

To prevent such a tragedy from ever occurring again, I have compiled a comprehensive list of everything Madonna loathes:

Tulips, apples, tea, cookie cakes, brunettes, shoes, nurses, lined paper, whiskers on kittens, Breaking Bad, dryer sheets, drawers, slippers, robes, dishwashers, air conditioning, skiing, online shopping, lawn chairs, Mai Tais, Hawaii, The Maldives, France, brownies, syrup, pancakes, kissing, lotion, eggs, butter, the number three, warm woolen mittens, staplers, apartments, houses, cars, eyelashes, roses, Springtime, air, water, milk, babies, grass, yogurt, frozen yogurt, people, aliens, dogs, cats, kangaroos, toilets, hotels, beds, sheets, free stuff, iPhones, thumbtacks, notes, irons, Droids, the color pink, Star Wars, Star Trek, nails, fingers, hands, pencils, pebbles, lakes, poetry, long walks, the beach, long walks on the beach, sand, Facebook, dolphins, snails, People magazine, teachers, computers, Moe's Southwest Grill, rhinestones, pearls, diamonds, charity, sunflowers, farmer's markets, clouds, and, of course, hydrangeas.

Now we all know.

[via Dlisted]

No, you dumbass.

[via someecards]

David Koechner knows how to treat a lady.

Tune in for NEW EPISODES OF TOSH.0 starting this Thursday, October 8 at 10pm/9c!!!